


Because She Can

by elizasnarrative



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Everything's pretty out of order, F/M, Modern AU, Post Reynolds Pamphlet Pain, oh well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2019-01-15 19:33:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 24,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12327411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elizasnarrative/pseuds/elizasnarrative
Summary: Eliza divorces Alexander post Reynolds pamphlet.“But the thing is, Liza. I’m not you. I can’t tell you what’s best for you because only you know that.” Angelica continues. “You need to stop doing what I and your brain thinks is right and start doing what you’re heart thinks is right. You have the absolute purest heart, Elizabeth Schuyler. The best one I know. It’s never going to fail you.”Or, the one where Eliza learns to trust herself and maybe finds Alexander again along the way.





	1. Chapter 1

They said no.

Eliza wasn’t sure what she was expecting. She had been warned. Multiple times, in fact. By her father, with whom she ran over her presentation with multiple times. By her older sister’s new fiancé. Her ex husband had even warned her when she had begrudgingly approached him for advice.

“It’s a beautiful, admirable thing you’re doing, Betsey. It’s an amazing cause.” he had said. “But banks don’t see those things. They see only profit. What they’re going to gain from a potential loan.”

She hadn’t wanted to believe him. He was a liar, a cheater. What did he know?

She had tried to raise money the conventional way. Benefit dinners, fundraisers, schmoozing her way and the Schuyler name through fancy galas. Without a well known and established foundation name behind them, no one in the city was going to donate anything substantial.

Her heart aches, thinking of the terrible house the children were living in. The loose floorboards, the doors that never seem to completely shut. At minimum, six children to a room, with two beds.

“Mrs Hamilton,” John Wakefield, the head of the bank, and a friend of her father’s, said after a short pause.

It had been over two years since the divorce and people still call her that. “Oh, um. It’s Schuyler now. Again. Miss Schuyler.” Eliza babbled, over explaining herself. Something she had been known to do.

“Well. My apologies, Miss Schuyler.” Mr Wakefield said, tipping his head graciously. It made Eliza’s stomach tighten. It was a better alternative to the pitying look she had grown used to. “But, as I was saying. We admire and fully support your cause, but without a proper foundation behind it, the bank cannot…” She tuned the rest of the rejection out.

She had worked on this presentation for months. She had really thrown herself into the organization after the divorce was finalized. She lived, ate and breathed for these children. She wanted their lives to be as amazing as they possibly could. Not everyone in the system was as fortunate as herself and her two sisters. Just because they wouldn’t grow up in a traditional family, doesn’t mean they couldn’t grow up in a real home.

She’s brought into the present as a heavy taxi horn sounds. She feels tears form in her eyes and fall down her cheeks at a steady pace. Her heels click against the New York City pavement, the ridiculous pencil skirt she was wearing making it hard for her to walk as quickly as she wanted to.

She rips her shoes and skirt off as soon as she’s in the safety of her own apartment, her small but usually steady hands shaking as she rips the cork off her last bottle of wine. She sets it down on the countertop, opening the cabinet that contains her wine glasses. She quickly abandons that idea and takes a long sip straight from the bottle, tears continuing to fall from her eyes.

Her phone starts ringing, her older sister’s dazzling face and smile appearing on her screen. She sniffles and ignores it, taking another large gulp. It took a solid three minutes before her phone was blowing up again, all texts from the group chat with her sisters

**How’d it go?! AS**

**Lizzy. AS**

**Eliza. AS**

**Betsey. AS**

**Angie. She’s clearly not able to answer at the moment. PS**

**No. She’s reading our messages right now. My Liza senses are tingling. AS**

**Christ, Ang. Bets, call us once you get the chance. Love ya xx PS**

**They said no. ES**

**Oh, love. I’m so sorry. AS**

**Want me to come over? AS ******

Eliza swallows roughly, thinking of her current state. Wearing nothing but her panties and ridiculously itchy lavender sweater. Mascara tracks undoubtedly rolling down her cheeks.

******No. I need to be alone. ES** ** **

******I’ll text you tomorrow. ES** ** **

******We love you. PS** ** **

******I’m here if you need anything. AS ******** **

******She puts her phone on silent and curls up on her sofa, hugging the bottle to her chest. She feels ridiculous. Why is she so upset over something she knew was going to happen? ‘you know why.’ A voice screamed inside her.** ** **

Alex’s face flashed in her mind. His brown eyes were wide, large purple bags under them. He looked sick and horrible. A wreck. The last of her things were shoved inside the heavy duffle bag hanging over her shoulder. Alexander’s face had become blurry with her own tears.

Before she could respond to his pleas, Angelica had wedged her way between them. She was taken under her mother’s strong arm and led to the awaiting elevator.

That was three years ago. To the date. It was like some mock anniversary- Eliza tried to forget about it. But every year the same image pops into her mind.

Her phone buzzes again. She doesn’t look this time, instead taking another long drink from the bottle.

_George Washington deciding to run for president. That’s how their downfall started._

_He had been gone more and more, being the head of his former boss’s campaign. For every night he spent at home, he was absent for three. She didn’t mind, not really. This was a huge opportunity for Alex, for their future family._

_“It’s going to be worse.” He warned her after a particularly sweet reunion. His hand rubbed up and down her bare back, his voice hoarse and tired. “When he wins the primaries. Which he's going to.”_

_“Mm. The campaign isn't going to last forever. I can deal with a few more months, if you can.” Eliza pressed a few kisses to his shoulder, her arm slung around his middle._

_“You’re just…” Alexander had sighed, unable to form his thoughts, tilting her head up for a long kiss. “perfect.”_

_And things were fine for another few months. Until the campaign smearing started happening._

_Washington’s opponent had accused Alexander of embezzling funds, all those years ago when he had worked as the then Secretary Washington’s right hand man._

_“Can we really trust Washington? Look at the man he’s appointed as his head campaign chairman. A liar, a thief of our own government?!” He had raved on and on about how Washington and his entire team couldn't be trusted. Eliza had been horrified, watching the news coverage._

_He evidently had enough evidence for Alexander to be thoroughly examined, a bunch of CIA agents had raided their New York home as Eliza looked helplessly on._

_“Did you really… did you really steal, Alexander?” Eliza had asked after he had finally been able to fly her out to D.C., her teary voice muffled by his chest._

_“No. I didn’t, Liza. You have to believe me.” His voice cracked, the stress of the past few days finally breaking him down. She believed him immediately, without question. And then proceeds to distract him with one of the few ways that has never failed her before._

_After a few crazy long days, all charges and allegations had been acquitted._

_The public had been puzzled, the story had taken so many twists and turns. Alexander decided that he needed to face this head on. He was going to give a speech._

_“You don’t have to stay for this.” Alexander swallowed, his shaky hands clutching at Eliza’s knee as they ride from the hotel over to the press conference._

_“I want to. I’m going to be here to support you. You aren’t alone in this, Alex. I won’t let you be.” She had pressed another sweet kiss to his lips._

_They both ignored the half sob that escaped Alexander’s chest. Eliza didn’t think much of it. Nerves, she blamed it on._

_‘I love you.’ he had mouthed to her before he takes the stage, the camera flashes blinding even Eliza who had been instructed to wait backstage._

_After a brief introduction, his speech begun. “Everyone is wondering what on earth Senator Newton was able to get away with such harsh allegations. And I’m here to clear the air and give a well deserved explanation to the American people and to our future president Washington.” There’s a pause while the audience cheers. “ Whose campaign doesn’t deserve the blow it received based on my younger self’s stupid decisions. The charges against me comes from a connection I once had with a man named James Reynolds. I became well acquainted with him five years ago while I was serving under Washington…”_

_Eliza couldn't breathe._

_An affair. He had an affair that summer she had gone abroad with her sisters. He had proposed before she left- only a week before, in a vain attempt to get her to stay with him._

_Maria Reynolds. She went to college with them, Eliza would soon discover in a later conversation she would have with the recently divorced woman._

_She graduated in English the same semester Eliza had graduated with her own degree. She married James the semester before, after an unplanned pregnancy. The relationship turned south. She recognized Alexander standing behind Washington on a news article. Desperate for help, the young mother waited outside the treasury building for the familiar face to appear. He was lonely, she was lonely. He didn’t say no. It continued for a month- until James Reynolds had found out._

_Be it because of his connection with the Schuyler family, or his job at the treasury- Reynolds had assumed he had money. Blackmailed him for nearly half of his yearly salary. Alexander would later say he paid with no hesitation. “Anything to keep you from finding out. Anything to keep you unhurt. Anything to keep you with me.”_

_About halfway through her husband’s confession, she felt a gentle but strong hand placed on her shoulder. “Eliza.” Eliza hadn't turned to look at the source. She ran._

_She didn’t know where she was running to. Anywhere but there. Anywhere away from her husband’s calm voice as he casually and publicly explained an affair._

_She found an abandoned hallway, sinking down to the floor, sobbing into her knees._

_It was Washington, who found her. He held her while another fresh wave of tears hit her after seeing the man she had teasingly referred to as her father in law while introducing him to her parents a little over a year earlier. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Is all that he could manage._

_While the officially proclaimed President Elect Washington was preparing for his inauguration, the self proclaimed Elizabeth Schuyler was preparing to divorce the love of her life._

She ran out of wine.

She wasn’t anywhere close to being done with drinking away her self pity. After cleaning herself up the tiniest bit, by pulling on a pair of loose ripped jeans and a baggy cotton shirt, she finds herself in a bar.

She felt ridiculous. Here she was, thirty years old, sitting in a bar with drunk college students surrounding her, toasting to the end of midterms week.

This wasn’t like anything she had pictured her life being. No babies, nothing to show for her hard work. No Alexander. Damn him. He ruined everything.

Why did she miss him?

She takes another sip of the Manhattan cocktail she had just ordered, looking at the clock behind her. 12:30 am. He’d be awake.

“Liza?” The sound of his voice makes her go weak at the knees. She’s suddenly very glad to be sitting down.

“I miss you. I miss your kisses. I miss when you’d kiss my thighs.” The words come tumbling out before she can stop them.

A beat of silence from the other line. “Are you drunk?”

Okay. Not the reaction she was expecting. “Don’t you miss me?”

“You know I do.” He says after a short pause. “Everyday. Who are you with? Peg or Ang?”

“No one. ‘M by myself. And…” She pauses, looking at the bartender, squinting her blurry eyes to find his name tag. “Liam the bartender.”

“You went out drinking by yourself?” He sounds appalled. “That’s not like you. At all. Are you-?”

“The bank denied my loan. For the orphanage.” She interrupts him, feeling a fresh wave of tears fall over her.

“Sweetheart. I’m so sorry.” His voice was soft. He means it.

“No, I. It’s stupid. I knew they were going to say no. Being paid back with money from benefit dinners and donations is a ridiculously preposterous and sketchy thing for a bank to do- I just. I hoped they would have seen the pictures of the kids and the home they live in and maybe wanted to help? I just. I don’t know how I’m going to face them on Monday, I- oh, god.” She covers her mouth as another sob escapes her lips.

“Oh, love. It’s okay, I promise it’s going to be okay.” Alexander’s voice fills her ears, making her heart soar and sink at the same time. How is that possible?

It takes a couple minutes of listening to his words for her to calm down.

“I’m sorry.” She says, wiping away her leftover tears with a napkin Liam the bartender had placed in front of her. “For calling you so late.”

“Don’t ever apologize for that. I’m always going to be here for you.” The serious sincerity of his voice frightened her.

“I. This is ridiculous. I can’t believe… I’m in a bar, alone at this hour.” She laughs bitterly.

“You’re a grown woman. If you want to go to a bar and get shit faced drunk, you’re allowed to.” She can just see his crooked grin through the phone.

“I’m thirty two. Way too old for this. I should be emotionally stable by now.” She winces at the wrecked sound of her voice.

“I’m thirty four and I still do the same. Keeps us young.” There was that stupid grin again.

“You’re a bad example.” she says.

“Perhaps I am.” Alex allows and then she can hear something that sounds like papers rustling. “You okay, though? Really?”

“No. But I’ll get there. I just needed… a night of self pity before I figure out our next move.” Eliza sighs, running a hand down her face. He hums but doesn’t otherwise respond. “I really do miss you.”

“That’s just the booze talking, Betsey.” Alex says sadly. “You’re going to hate me again in the morning.” .

“I could never hate you.” She frowns. “You broke my heart,” she pauses when she hears his sharp intake of breath. “Very.. publicly. I should hate you. But I don’t. I still love you.”

Nothing but a beat of silence on the other line. He clears his throat. “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to hear you say that.”

“Well, I just did. Don’t you love me too?” She says, a teasing tone to her voice.

“You know I do.” he sighs.

“Say it, then.” Eliza challenges.

Another pause. “I love you, Liza. More then anything.”

She sighs happily, leaning her chin on her hand while her elbow rests on the bar. “Show me how much, then.” When he doesn’t reply, she frowns. Maybe she needed to clarify? “I mean… I want you to come and make love to me, Alexander.”

On the other line, a sharp intake of breath. “Please, Liza. Please don’t do this. Don’t make me say no to you.” Alex says weakly.

“Well, don’t say no then.”

“I can’t.” He says. “I can’t make love to you. Not when you’re like this.”

“Like what?” Eliza frowns, her mind a drunken haze. She doesn’t understand what’s so wrong with her idea. They were divorced, sure. But they both admitted their love for each other. Didn’t that mean something?

“Drunk. This is just the alcohol talking. You’re going to wake up tomorrow and hate me again.”

“Drunk Liza has always been more honest then sober Liza. You know this.” Her frown deepens. She starts to fiddle with the straw in her drink clumsily, her hands needing something to do.

Alex snorts. “Drunk Liza also almost gave Lafayette a strip tease in college. She most definitely would have if her sober boyfriend hadn’t intervened.”

She closes her eyes. “Please. Please, Alex.” Her voice sounds so pitiful even to her own ears that it hurts her.

His voice is hard. Perhaps bitter. Snappy. “I can’t. Not when you can’t give consent. I don’t want you to hate me even more then you already do.”

She sniffles, the red hot iron of rejection burning a hole in her barely put together drunken heart.

“Have Liam the bartender call you a cab. Go home and go to bed, love.” His voice is much gentler when he speaks next.

“Don’t have the cash on me. Spent it all on my drinks.” She frowns, rummaging through her purse.

“Let me get you an Uber, then.”

“No. I can walk.” She throws the six extra crumbled up one dollar bills onto the counter, stumbling out of her chair.

“Walking?” He asks, his tone incredulous. “Are you crazy?”

“What happened to me being a grown woman?” Eliza counters, smiling. Perhaps she would have the last word tonight.

“Even I try to avoid the streets at night.” Alex says after taking a deep breath. She can just picture him running his hands through his hair as he always did whenever he was frustrated and trying not to lose his temper. “And I’m like, twice your size.”

“I’ll be fine.” She lets out a breath as the cool night air hits her lungs.

“Eliza, you can’t walk home this late drunk.” He says impatiently. “Let me call you a damn car.”

“Umm…” She pretends to think about it. “Um. No. Night, Lex.” She hangs up the phone with a small, triumphant giggle. She showed him.

Her phone immediately starts vibrating again. She doesn't have to look at her phone to know who it is. She ignores it. Until the damn thing continues to vibrate incessantly, so much so that she ends up throwing the annoying contraption into her bag.

She makes it to Central Park before she relents. Her feet were starting to hurt and she’s fairly confident she doesn’t live anywhere near here anymore.

“Hi.” She says into the phone, slumping down on the nearest bench.

“Finally.” Alexander sighs, his voice full of relief and frustration. “Where are you? I’m coming to get you.”

“Okay.” Eliza chirps happily. Alexander was better then any car he could have sent.

“Where are you?” He asks again after a beat, the definite sound of a door slamming shut in the background.

Suddenly she’s scared. An irrational fear picks up in her drunken mind. Was he mad at her? She was only joking. Why did it even matter to him? They weren’t married. Hell, they were barely acquaintances nowadays. Distant acquaintances who are forced to be civil and interact in public as they were still apart of the same social circle.

“Elizabeth.” He speaks again, that familiar harsh tone of frustration seeping through.

The use of her full name is like a dagger to her heart. Similar to the feeling she would get as a young girl, when her parents would use it. “You called me Elizabeth.” Her voice is barely above a whisper. She’s surprised Alex even catches it.

“That’s your name, isn’t it?” He finally snaps. “Where the hell are you?”

“It is… my name. I’m just never called that. It’s usually Eliza. Liza, Betsey. Sometimes Bets. Even Lizzy.” She swallows. “I hate being called Elizabeth. It’s too formal. Especially from you, considering…” our ten year relationship, she thinks. She knows Alexander will know what she means. It’s always been like that with the two of them. And it has been that way since the beginning. With Alexander calling her by her full name, it just reminds her of all she has lost. It hurts way more then it should.

Alex lets out a small sigh. When he speaks again, his tone is much softer. “Okay. I’m sorry. Please, please tell me where you are so I can help you get home. It’s late and I need to make sure you’re safe, baby.”

She inhales sharply. Baby, he said. He called her baby. It’s been two years. Her life is completely different then what it was then. She’s single, not a mother but instead head coordinator of a failing organization, the organization that brought her and her two sisters to her parents. She’s back at the orphanage, piss drunk on a Thursday night and she is no longer married to Alexander Hamilton.

The tears form in her eyes and roll down her cheeks in a single sweep. Her hands tremble from the cold, the tears making her phone stick to her face where it was pressed to her cheek. It’s cold, dark and she has never felt more alone.

“Eliza?”

“I don’t know!” She sobs, her other trembling hand covering her mouth. Tears continue to run down her cheeks at an alarming rate. Mournful sobs escape her chest, wracking her body. She barely hears Alexander’s frantic reassurances.

“Oh. I. uh. I-It’s okay. Shh, love.” Alex says and Eliza can just imagine the look of terror on his face. He’s never been good at comforting. All he knows how to do is yell and punch whoever was the cause of the tears. (That’s why it was so difficult him after the Reynold’s Scandal. He couldn’t exactly punch himself in the gut, though it seemed he already had.) “It’s okay, baby.” The pet name made Eliza sob harder.

It took what felt like hours for her to calm herself down. She sniffles once more, using the sleeve of her sweater to wipe away leftover tears. “Central Park. South end, by the museums.”

Alex breathes a sigh of relief. “Okay. I’m on my way. Want me to stay on the phone?”

She hangs up instead of answering, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment. She suddenly feels as drunk as she is. She eventually pulls herself up from the bench, making her way to the street where she would be easily visible for Alexander to see her.

It takes five minutes for him to find her.

“Eliza.” She hears behind her. She turns and her breath is once more taken away. She runs (more like stumbles) into his arms, burying her face into his neck, ignoring the small “oof” sound he makes. “Hey. Hey, it’s okay.” He says after a moment. She can feel his hesitation as he wraps his arms around her small, trembling frame.

He smells like he always does, like coffee and a faint bit of cologne he puts on every morning, the same one he’s been using since his early twenties. He’s beautiful and she’s missed him so much.

Eliza reluctantly pulls away to really look at him and a small gasp leaves her mouth as she does. His hair, his beautiful black locks of hair that used to hit his shoulders, are now gone. It’s clipped short on the sides, a bit longer on the top. “You cut your hair.” She says after a moment, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Alexander smiles a bit, nodding. “I did. Needed a change.” He gently unwinds her arms from his neck, shrugging off his own coat and helping her into it. “That bad?” he asks with a laugh at her still shocked expression.

“No. It’s different. But I like it.” She clings to him again, wanting to be closer.

“Let’s get you home, hm?” Alex says, once again prying away from Eliza’s surprisingly strong grip. The pair starts walking in the right direction of her apartment. He ends up having to wind an arm around her waist, mostly because she stumbles three times in about two feet.

“Mind telling me what’s got you so upset?” He asks carefully after a few blocks. Eliza tenses up, but relaxes after Alexander squeezes her gently. “It’s more then the bank denying your loan.”

Eliza swallows roughly, looking down at her feet. Her hand is clutching Alexander’s that lays on her hip, the other holding loosely onto the strap of her purse. “You called me baby.” She admits in a small voice.

“What?” He asks.

“You called me baby. I loved when you called me baby. It made me sad, thinking of all we’ve lost. It’s been three years, you know. Since I left you. And it’s like, a hole in my heart. It’s been there since the elevator door closed.” Drunk Liza is as honest as she is clumsy. She stops walking, and Alexander does too, a deep frown on his face as he stops to face her.

“I miss it. You calling me baby. I miss you.” She frowns, matching his expression. She surges forward suddenly, their mouths meeting in an awkward, blessed kiss before Alexander yanks away. Tears immediately form in her eyes again. The drunken woman attempts to turn around and run away from her ex, embarrassment and hurt flowing through her veins.

“Hey, hey.” Alex frowns, barely catching her wrist and pulling her back. “Liza, look at me. Baby. Baby, please look at me.” She sniffles but obeys. Her almond shaped eyes were full of tears, what little makeup she hadn’t cried off smearing.

His slightly trembling hands cup her cheeks, thumbs stroking her cheekbones, his dark eyes wide, earnest. And sad, Eliza can see sadness. “I. Fuck, you have no idea how hard this is for me. How hard it is to say no.” A small sob escapes her lips. “Shh. Please, I. If you were sober, a-and not in emotional distress, I would say yes in a heartbeat. I’d book us a room at that ridiculous bed and breakfast you loved on the Oregon Coast. I’d kiss and make love to you for hours, days even.” He laughs tearfully. “God. If I had even the slightest inkling that you’d be willing to take me back, I’d do anything in my power to prove to you how much I love you.” Tears were streaming down both of their cheeks. “But you’re not in that position right now, Liza. And I refuse to take advantage of you. I’m not going to do anything that might make you hate me more then you already do.”

Eliza swallows a sob that was climbing up her throat. She nods once, wiping away her tears once Alex lets her face go. He hesitates before he takes her hand and laces their fingers together. That was safe.

They walk in silence the remaining few blocks. Eliza mumbles a small hello to the doorman, Alex following her inside to the elevator. “Stay?” She asks meekly, turning to face him while she waits.

He offers her a small smile, squeezing her hand. “I can’t, babe. Remember what I said earlier?”

She nods, biting into her lower lip. She really didn’t want to be alone.

“You’ll be okay. I promise. You’re not going to spend the night alone.” He lets go of her hand once the elevator doors open. “I love you, Liza. Remember what I said.”

Eliza frowns a little, watching him start to walk away just as the elevator doors slide shut. It takes a bit of effort but she manages to find her keys which were hidden at the bottom of her bag. Before she can unlock the door, it swings open. It’s Angelica.

It’s her dear, sweet protective older sister. Her dark skin is bare, with no makeup, yet it still looks flawless. Her beautiful, curly locks are pulled back into a messy bun that only she could make elegant. She’s wearing leggings and her “Woman’s Place is in the House and Senate” shirt Peggy had given her as a present last Christmas. She’s so beautiful, strong and everything Eliza isn’t.

“Oh, Liz.” Angelica says softly, her eyes tender and worried.

Eliza sniffles and launches herself into her big sister’s arms. She’s in her thirties and still needs her sister like she needs air. She needs her as much as she did on her first day at the orphanage all those years ago.

_The earliest memory Eliza has is of the tree. She was five years old._

_There’s a big oak tree in the back of the home. She remembers curling up under it’s shade, the other children running around and playing. She remembers the rustling of the green leaves._

_She remembers wanting to go home. Funny, now she doesn’t remember the home she once missed dearly._

_“What’s a chink like you doing here?” Someone had asked her._

_She didn’t reply. She didn’t know what she was doing there. She hugged her knees to her chest and hid her face._

_They nudged her with a foot. “Come on, chink. Why’re you here? Huh?”  
“Leave her alone.” Someone’s sharp voice spat._

_Eliza had looked up, startled. The boy seemed to be startled to._

_The girl who had come to her defense glared ferociously at her bully. Her curls were tight and kinky, pulled into two pig tails. She was wearing a red sundress and Eliza remembers thinking how beautiful she looked._

_“I-I was just playing.” He stammered._

_The girl was holding a little girl’s, who couldn't have been older then two years old, hand. The little girl was sucking on her other hand’s thumb, her eyebrows pulled together in what appears to be a glare meant for the boy._

_“Yeah? Well don’t. Leave, Austin. Or I’m going to tell Miss Windham.” She glares at him until he’s out of sight, her expression softening when she looked at Eliza. “Come on, Peg.” She pulls the girl along, sitting down next to Eliza. “Hi! I’m Angelica. And this is Peggy.”_

_“Hello.” Eliza said weakly._

_“What’s your name?” She prompted, offering a kind grin. It was infectious. Eliza felt the corners of her mouth turn up._

_“Elizabeth. But I like to be called Eliza.”_

_“Liza!” Peggy says suddenly, giggling._

_“Liza works.” Eliza smiled at the little girl, whose short curls framed her round, adorable face. Her shirt was a bright yellow. It reminded her of the sunshine, which is exactly what little Peggy seemed to radiate._

_“Well, Eliza. We were just going to go and swing. Wanna come?” Angelica asks, standing up and pulling Peggy with her._

_“Sure.”_

_From then on, the three girls were conjoined at the hip. Eliza remembers how they all slept on the same bed, shared clothes and walked to and from school together. No one could get them to be apart for more then five minutes at a time._

_She remembers being shocked when Miss Windham had called them all into her office after dinner. “Girls. We have some news. Good news.” The old woman had smiled kindly at the three little girls who sat in front of her desk. “We’ve found a very nice family who wants to adopt you. All three of you.”_

_(Eliza would later learn that her parents had only wanted one and had asked about herself. They had been warned about her attachment to other two girls and decided that they had more then enough room and money for more children. They had always said three was their “number.”)_

_The girls stared blankly up at the woman._

_“They’re coming to meet you all tomorrow and sign the papers.” She continued on. “You’re going to have a home. Isn’t that amazing?”_

_That confused Eliza._

_A home? She already had a home. She didn’t understand the other kids’ jealousy and snide remarks._

_She only knew only how kind Mr and Mrs Schuyler were._

_Mr Schuyler had a loud, booming laugh and an infectious grin. He made Peggy laugh so hard she nearly spat out her milk. She liked him and his laugh. She also liked his mustache._

_Mrs Schuyler was gorgeous. Her long, blonde hair was beautiful. Eliza wanted to touch and know if it was as soft as it looked. Her pearl earrings were gorgeous, her smile kind._

_Eliza decided she wouldn’t mind leaving her home to find a new one with the Schuylers. She knew that both Angelica and Peggy agreed._

_As long as she had her sisters, she wouldn’t mind anything, she thought._

Eliza wakes up with a funny taste in her mouth and a pounding headache. Her sister hands her a bottled water and a few aspirin. She takes both gratefully, resting her pounding head on her knees. She recounts last night in one long rush.

 _Alexander_.

“How did you-?”

“He called me. Alex did.” Angelica says, stroking Eliza’s messy hair away from her face. “I had John drive me here while he picked you up.”

Eliza stays quiet, her hands picking some lint off the sleeve of her sweater.

“Are we going to talk about last night?”

She groans. “No.”

“Then don’t talk. Listen.” Angelica says, frowning. “It’s almost been two years. You haven't been on a single date since then- not for lack of trying. Both Peggy and I have set you up on multiple dates- Stop it.” She frowns, yanking the pillow Eliza had used to cover her ears. “Shut up and listen. It’s been two years and you still say his name in your sleep.”

Eliza swallows, blinking away tears that form, startled by how quickly they appeared.

Angelica sighs. “Look. I’m not going to lie. I hate him. I hate his fucking guts and I wish I could wrap said guts around his throat and-!”

“Ang.”

“Point is. You love him. And he loves you. I didn’t believe it until last night, Bets. But he loves you. He had every opportunity last night to fuck you.” Eliza’s cheeks flush, remembering how desperate and clingy she was. “And he didn’t. He didn’t because… he told Mulligan once that if he were to be lucky enough to get another chance with you, he’d do everything he could do to make right by you.”

Eliza sits up with a glare. “You were the one who told me to divorce him.”

“I know, love. Because I’ve always known you deserved better. “ Angelica says and Eliza huffs and lays flat on her back, glaring up at the ceiling. “And what he did to you… that’s just. Not okay. But with two years and neither of you going on a single date…”

“He hasn’t been on a date either?”

“Not according to Herc, he hasn’t. And Laf.”

“Oh.” Eliza takes a deep breath, ignoring the blossom of hope that forms in her chest.

“I stand by what I said. I don’t think it was a mistake for you to divorce him. It put the bastard in his place.” Angelica sighs, stretching out beside her sister on the bed. “But I don’t want to ever see you like you were last night ever again. I want you to be happy, Liza. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. And I think for you to truly be happy, you need to listen to yourself.”

“Listen to myself?” Eliza changes her stare from the ceiling to Angelica. “What does that mean?”

Angelica hums. “Remember what mom and dad said when you told them you were majoring in Social Work?”

Eliza snorts. “How could I forget?”

“Mm. So you listened to them and changed majors. Only to be miserable your entire freshmen year. When did college become fun for you?”

“My Sophomore year. When I switched majors.” Eliza realizes quietly.

“One example out of thousands.” Angelica rolls onto her side to really look at her sister. “You asked me what I thought you should do. And I told you to divorce him. Man cheats on wife, wife divorces man and becomes happier because of said divorce, or so the story goes. That’s how it usually work. People feel happy after grieving. Empowered. And so you did. You got a divorce because that’s the way you should have felt.”

Eliza swallows, breaking eye contact.

“But the thing is, Liza. I’m not you. I can’t tell you what’s best for you because only you know that.” Angelica continues. “You need to stop doing what I and your brain thinks is right and start doing what you’re heart thinks is right. You have the absolute purest heart, Elizabeth Schuyler. The best one I know. It’s never going to fail you.”

\- - -

Eliza ponders her sister’s words during the next few days. She stays alone in her apartment, ordering pizza, watching movies and looking at photos of puppies from the closest animal shelter.

It’s Sunday night when she finally get’s the courage to text him.

**Thank you. ES**

**Glad you’re safe and hope you’re feeling better. AH**

When Eliza goes to work the next day, Charlotte, one of her closest friends on the board, tackles her with a hug as soon as she enters the office door. “I took two days off work, Lotts. Not a month. But hello to you too.” She says teasingly once she’s released.

“You’re a miracle worker, Eliza. Truly.”

“Didn’t you get the email? They said no.”

“The bank may have said no, but look.” Charlotte stands at her computer, pulling up the foundation’s financial statement. “Someone donated 250,000 dollars.” She squeaks before Eliza could process the numbers.

“Oh my god.” Eliza felt dizzy.

“I know!” Charlotte exclaims. “That’s like, double what we asked the bank for.”

“Who in the hell donated a quarter of a million dollars?”

“We don’t know. It was anonymous.”

Only it wasn’t. Eliza knew exactly who donated it.

Her head ran through the numbers. The work they could do with that chunk of money. They could get the kids new beds- fix the stairs and maybe even update the basement.

After another celebratory hug, Eliza retreats into her office and dials the number she knew by heart.

“Hello?” Alex answers for once. She had been expecting his secretary. His voice sounds cautious.

“Hey. Sober Liza here.” She smiles a bit, biting into her lower lip.

He laughs. “Good to know.” A brief pause. “How are you?”

“Better.” She admits. “Just needed some rest, I think.”

“I’m glad.”

“What about you?” She asks.

“I’m a lot better after hearing your voice. I uh, was worried.”

“I know it was you. Who.. donated the money.” Her heart beats faster.

He coughs awkwardly after a pause. “It’s a great cause.”

“A quarter of a million dollars, Alex? Really?”

“I had help, I promise.” He says weakly. “People at work… Burr even chipped in.”

Eliza sighs. “I just. You have no idea how much this means to me. To the kids… I don’t know how to even begin to thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I’m happy to help. Like I said, great and meaningful cause. And the fact that you and your sisters met there, it’s just. It’s a special place and it needs to be kept alive…” He babbles.

“Are you seeing anyone?” She blurts out.

“No.” He answers. “I. Are you?”

“No.” She smiles a bit.

“Oh. that’s.. good. I mean, shit.” Alex huffs awkwardly. “It isn't good, I want you to be happy. I just meant-!”

“Come over tonight?” She interrupts him. “I’ll make dinner.”

“I’d love that.” And Eliza can just hear the hope in his voice. “I’ll bring some wine.”

\- - -

They take it slow.

Just dinner the first night, no matter how badly Eliza just wants to roll around in bed with him. No, they were going to do this right. She makes him his favorite pasta dish.

They text all the next week until Saturday, when both of them are finally free. They see a movie. Some romantic Nicholas Sparks movie that Charlotte had insisted was good. And it was decent, until the main character cheats on the other. She can feel Alexander stiffen in the seat next to her and can just see his mind running a million hours a minute.

She hesitates before she takes his hand, lacing their fingers together. She feels like crying once she feels the familiar spark she always felt with him— and even more so when she sees the look of wonder on his face. “Let’s get out of here.” She offers him a small smile and he nods jerkily, following her out of the theater.

They take a walk instead, holding hands the entire way. He buys her a hot chocolate from the little coffeeshop down the road from his firm, insisting it was the best. She refuses to agree with him. Her mother’s homemade recipe was simply without a doubt, the best hot chocolate, she insists. Though, she has to admit, watching Alexander laugh and talk animatedly across the table from her, this one was pretty damn good.

They start seeing each other everyday after that. Even if it’s for a quick dinner at Alexander’s office, they make time for each other. He walks her home after a late dinner on a Tuesday night. He sheepishly asks for a goodnight kiss, his hands stuffed in his peacoat pockets that he had only just stolen back from Eliza’s apartment. She had rolled her eyes fondly and pulled him to her with the lapels of his jacket.

“I’m doing this right.” He insists later, after a short but sweet make out session on her sofa, when Eliza had teased him for asking. “I’m not going to fuck this up again. We’re going at your pace and I’m happy with whatever you’re willing to give me.”

“Even if I decide I never want to have sex again? Become a life long virgin?” She smirks a little, moving closer so they were face to face again, her arms around his neck, Alexander’s forehead on her own.

“Even then. I mean it.” Alex pouts, pulling away from her grip when she scoffs. “I’ve seen what life is like without you, Eliza. I have no desire to live it again. Even if it means no sex for the rest of my life.” He wasn’t lying, she could see it in his eyes.

Eliza feels her heart melt slightly, putting a hand on the back of his neck to beckon him closer. She presses a series of sweet kisses to his mouth, nipping at his bottom lip before she pulls away, nuzzling into his neck. He pulls her into his lap, resting his chin over her shoulder, humming happily.

“I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t become a lifelong virgin, though.” He says after a moment, laughing when Eliza smacks the back of his head lightly.

Four months into this relatively new but old relationship, their former intimacy makes it’s way back to them. She’s dreamed and thought of making love to him again from pretty much the moment the divorce papers were finalized. One last night, she always thought. So when she started dating him again, she assumed she would be ready for the physical side of the relationship. Which is why she was surprised with herself when she blanched.

They were kissing lazily, some Hallmark movie playing in the background. His lips tasted like the chocolate cake they had just had, a bit of wine from their dinner a few hours before. The kisses grew more heated when she had taken it upon herself to climb into his lap, arms wrapping around his neck, fingers running through the shorter hairs on the back of his head. His hands slid naturally from her hips to her ass, hesitating before he squeezed slightly, making her gasp.

She kissed him desperately, then. Feverishly. Her nails raked lightly over his clothed shoulders. It wasn’t until he had begun to lift her shirt up that she panicked. She had tensed up, her hands gripping the soft cotton material of his tee shirt.

To his credit, he had stopped immediately, dropping her shirt from where he was pushing it up. His hands were held up almost in a mock surrender motion. His eyebrows were furrowed, worried. “Did I cross the line?”

She swallows roughly, shaking her head. Maria’s beautiful face filling her mind. He touched her. He kissed and made love to her. On their bed. In their apartment they had shared together since junior year of college. They had left that place for over two years by the time Alex confessed- but it still burned.

Before she knew what was happening, she felt tears rushing down her cheeks. Alexander’s eyes widened and he reaches up to wipe them away.

“Don’t touch me!” She snaps, stumbling off his lap.

“Okay! Okay, I won’t.” Alex stands up from the couch too, his hands still up in the air. “I’m sorry. Whatever I did, I’m sorry.”

Eliza swallows, getting a hold of herself and the tears that she wanted to cry out. “I met her, you know.”

“Who?”

“Maria.” His eyes widen comically. “She’s pretty.”

“Not as pretty as you.” Alex says, frowning. “When did you..?”

“A month after the speech.” She coughs. “I wanted to be sure… I was getting the whole story. I wanted to hear her side too. I can’t believe you used her real name.”

“I. It needed to be real. Honest.”

“Yes, well. You had our place and myself covered with security. She had nothing.” Eliza glares. “I wanted to be sure she was okay. It wasn’t just our life you were ruining. It was her’s too.”

“I know.” His expression looks defeated. Ashamed. “I didn’t know what to do. Washington couldn't lose the race because of me- I needed to be honest.”

“You could have used a fake name. You could have given her that. A warning, at least. A chance to get out of town. Jesus Christ.” Eliza lets out a breath, sitting down on the love seat, opposite side of the room from Alexander.

“I helped her get a divorce. Or, Aaron did. Shortly after things… ended.” He says after a short pause.

Eliza nods, pulling her knees to her chest. “I asked her questions. She had no reason to lie to me. I figured she’d be honest.”

Alexander hesitates before crossing the room to be closer to her. She doesn’t tense up, so he takes that as an okay. He sits down on the edge of the coffee table in front of her. “What did she say?”

_Eliza looked down at her watch. 2 o clock, it read. She wasn’t late. Maria must have arrived early. She approached slowly, her heart clenching when she truly gets a good look at the woman. She was even more beautiful in person._

_Her brown hair was perfectly curly, flowing down her back. Her makeup was perfect, lips a pretty pink that stood out against her dark skin. Her brown eyes were wide when she sees Eliza. She stood up immediately, her expression unreadable. “Mrs Hamilton.”_

_“Call me Eliza, please.” She swallowed roughly, sliding into the booth across from her. “Thank you for meeting me.” Though her voice was flat. She sounded anything but grateful._

_“Least I could do. I… you have no idea how sorry I am, ma’am.” A deep frown settled on her lips. “I am. I’m so sorry.”_

_Eliza felt tears brimming in her eyes. It was still so fresh at the time. The hurt. Her wound was still bleeding out._

_Maria cuts to the chase.“I didn’t. I wasn’t thinking clearly. James was horrible, abusive. I didn’t go to him with the intention of sleeping with him. I needed help. I was so scared and I wanted to be loved and Alex- your husband… He was lonely too. I could see it. And so I kissed him and he didn’t say no and it. It got out of hand. It was a distraction, for me. He gave me the money I had originally asked for afterwards after the first meeting. But my daughter had gotten sick so I used it to get her to the doctor instead of buying plane tickets.”_

_Maria swallowed, her hands clutching a hot mug of coffee. She looked as uncomfortable as Eliza herself felt. “He kept calling. I only sought him out the one time- I’m sorry.” She frowns, seeing Eliza’s expression crumble._

_“No.” Eliza looks down at the table, taking a deep breath. “I asked for honesty. Continue.”_

_“He’d call and I’d stop by on my way to work- I worked a nightshift at a diner- for a quick round, usually. I only slept over once.” She pauses when the waitress comes over to ask Eliza if she needs anything. “James came back three weeks in. I had dropped Susan off at a friend from her day caretaker’s house for the night. I thought I’d be working, but it had been slow at the restaurant all day, so my boss called and said I wasn’t needed. So I called him. Your husband-and I invited him over. But then James came home, and five minutes later, Hamilton showed up.” She swallows, Eliza remaining silent._

_“It didn’t take him long to figure things out. He blackmailed him. And then tried to sell me for money, like. ‘I won’t tell anyone and I’ll let you fuck my wife if you give me money.’ Money he always spent on drugs.” She laughs bitterly. “Anyways. He didn’t continue, obviously. We had one last night- we didn’t really even do anything, he just gave me a contact sheet for a lawyer who said he’d help me. But James kept pressing for money, threatening. I assumed he paid James off because I never saw or heard from him again. Until recently. And it was on TV.”_

_Eliza’s quiet for a few long moments. “Did he ever… talk about me?”_

_“Only once. And I had to ask. I just asked where you were and. He said you were in Europe and how much he was missing you. And that he didn’t want to talk about you because of obvious reasons. He… kept you separate. In a locked away box, almost. I didn’t ask anymore because I was worried that if I did, he’d think too much about you and would stop.” The woman’s honesty was startling. “I don’t know if this is better or worse, for you. But he only ever said your name. While we were messing around…” She trails off. “I remember being jealous of you. Not because of him, specifically- but because you clearly had someone who loved you.”_

“She told me her side of the story.” Eliza says finally, looking up at Alexander.

“I am sorry. For what the speech probably did to her.” Alex says. “But it had to be done for the campaign. She was… collateral damage.”

“And I guess our marriage was too, then.” He said nothing, but squirmed slightly in his spot on the coffee table. She stared at him. He opened his mouth to speak again, probably to defend his actions, but she interrupts him. “You’re… not sorry, are you? You don’t regret it.”

Alexander’s expression turns incredulous. “I regret it more then anything in my life Eliza. It cost me an entire two years I could have spent with you. We lost so much time because of that stupid summer.”

“You regret the affair, but not the admission. Not the speech.” She says, still not quite meeting his eyes.

“I regret the speech hurting you.” He says, clearly hesitant. His hand hung in the air for a moment, before moving to rest on her knee carefully. “I regret not telling you about Maria the moment you returned home. I regret not having the opportunity to grovel at your feet to beg you to stay with me like I would have. I have plenty of regrets, Eliza. I’ve hurt you so badly, I know, but… I don’t regret the admission. It was what got Washington into office- I didn't want the campaign to suffer because of mistakes I made as a dumb twenty something year old.”

Eliza’s glare increases. “Get out.”

His eyes widen. “What?”

“Get out. I need to be alone.”

“Eliza-” He reaches out for her.

“Get. Out.” She glares at him, tightening her grip on her knees.

Alexander rushes to obey. Eliza never uses that tone and he didn’t want to overstep, even if his instincts were screaming at him to stay and convince her, Eliza knew. He never liked to be alone after a fight, she doubts that had changed. He shrugs on his jacket. His eyes are sad, panicked. “I love you. Only you. I never loved her.”

“I know.” She says softly, her eyes tired. “I know. And this isn’t. I’m not breaking up with you. I just need…” she doesn’t continue. She isn't sure what she needs. She just knows she can’t be around him right now.

Alexander nods, hie eyes still worried but less panicked. “I’m sorry.” He grabs his jacket, turning to open the door. “Call me. When… when you’re ready. I love you.”

She nods once, looking down at her legging clad legs. When the door is shut, she rolls onto her side, still curled up in the fetal position. Tears roll down her cheeks silently as she stares at the vase that sits on her coffee table. She lasts five minutes before she's digging through her purse to find her phone.

**I love you too. ES**

\- - -

They text constantly throughout the entire week. Eliza doesn’t invite him over and Alex doesn’t push, something she’s grateful for. He gives her space. It’s a stark contrast from the Alexander she remembers. The one who would sleep on the floor outside her door after a fight like a Labrador. She had tripped over him in the middle of the night, as she was cold and lonely and whatever they were fighting about paled in comparison to that. She had smacked her head on the wall on the other side of the hall. It even left a tiny dent.

Alexander had insisted on taking her to the hospital, even though she knew for a fact was fine. It was comical watching her at the time boyfriend explain the incident to the doctors. She was sure they looked crazy. Alex was still wearing his suit and tie he had worn to his internship while Eliza wearing her pink pajamas with donuts scattered around, a fluffy grey robe to top the ensemble off..

She was fine, of course. They were sent home essentially right away. The cab ride was deadly silent and so was the trek up to their shoebox apartment on the fifth floor. It wasn’t until she saw the dent on the wall that she started giggling. Alex was exasperated but relieved that she didn’t seem to be mad anymore. They snapped a photo of the moment, Alexander kissing Eliza’s cheek with the dent right above their heads.

She giggles a bit into the gray sleeve of her cashmere sweater, at the memory. She was in her office, her long dark locks of hair pulled into a messy ponytail. She was wearing her glasses today, not wanting to be bothered with contacts. She wonders if she could ever find that photo again…

**I forgot to pack my lunch. ES**

**Oh? AH**

**Mhm. And I’m hungry. ES**  
**That’s a hint, Alex. ES**

**Is that permission to come and see you? At your work? AH**

**Yes. As long as you have food. Please xx ES**

**Give me an hour and I’ll be there. AH**  
**Love you. AH**

“She’s right in there.” Eliza can hear Charlotte’s voice, her heels clicking on the hardwood floor get closer and closer. She knocks once before her round, happy face appears in the crack. “Hey, Liz. There’s someone here for you.”

“Let him in.” Eliza says with a small, fond eye roll after she mouths ‘hot!’ at her. She beams when she finally comes face to face with Alex, a bit amused by his unsure posture. One of his hands was holding a drink carrier, the other a to go bag.

She takes the bags from him, setting them down on her desk. She cups his cheeks, his skin cold from the spring breeze outside, and pulls him in for a quick kiss.

His face is bewildered when she pulls away, eyebrows knitted together.

“What?” She laughs.

“I. I thought you were mad at me.” Alex says. “I prepared myself the whole walk over here to be yelled at and instead I get a kiss. I don’t understand?”

“I don’t either. I don’t know what happened the other night- I don’t understand it. Any of it. We have a lot of… Shit, for lack of a better word. We do. We have a lot of shit we need to get through because I don’t know how I feel about this. About anything. All I know for sure is that I love you and I want to keep trying to figure everything out with you.” She says, winding her arms around his neck. “If you’re willing. That would be enough for me.”

“Anything, Liza. As long as I get to be with you.” Alex says earnestly, hesitantly wrapping his arms around her waist. “It’s all going to be under your terms, you know. Everything. I’m not in any position whatsoever to be asking anything of you- sex especially. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have even touched your shirt.”

“It’s okay. It wasn’t just you, babe. I… well, I didn't show any warning signs. I don’t even know why I reacted like that.” She admits sheepishly. “I’m working on it.”

“You haven’t forgiven me.”

“What?” Eliza frowns. “That’s not-”

“It is true, and it’s okay.” Alex says, interrupting her. “I hurt you, baby. I hurt you enough that you left me. All that doesn’t just get swept under the rug because we start dating again. You know?”

Eliza nods once. She smiles sadly after a moment. “Guess I’ll work on that, too.”

“We’ve got nothing but time.” Alex promises, one hand tipping her chin up, pressing a few short kisses to her lips. “I promise.”

“And I’m holding you to that promise.” She pulls him down for another kiss before pushing him away once more and unpacking their food. They sit and eat in a comfortable silence, their legs tangled together under her desk while they enjoyed each other’s company.

He finishes his meal before her, wandering around her office while she continued her work, examining the different knickknacks and photos. She looks at him through the corner of her eye, noticing the photo he was looking at. It was of herself and her two sisters holding up their newly signed adoption papers on the front porch of her childhood home.

“I’ve never seen that before.” He informs her, lifting up the picture frame to examine the photo more closely.

“My mom just sent it to me the other day.” She smiles a bit, leaning back in her chair. “It’s been an hour. Don’t you have that meeting with Burr?”

“Nope, actually. He cancelled. Don’t have anything until three.” He says dismissively, turning to the other wall. “Are these all your kids?”

The wall was absolutely covered in photographs. Half were real photos, the other half pieces of artwork that the children had made her. They were mixed together to form a collage of sorts. It was Eliza’s favorite thing. So many beautiful, young faces beaming at Eliza when she had taken the photos herself. Being the chairman of the organization, she and Charlotte weren’t expected to interact with the children. They both loved to, anyways. It reminds them of what they’re working so hard for.

“Mhm.” She moves across the room to stand by him. “His name is Jack. That’s Christine. She’s Lily. Jon, Erik.” She points out a few of the children on the wall. She can name every single one of the children on the wall- even though the number isn't that large, it’s something she prides herself in. She loves those kids dearly and if it were possible- she’d adopt every single one of them.

“Sorry. This must be boring for you.” She realizes a few moments later, her nose crinkling.

“No, no.” Alexander reassures her, taking her hands in his. “Don’t apologize. I love watching you talk about your work. Your eyes and face light up- it’s cute. I love how much you care about these kids. Makes me wonder how different my life could have turned out if they had someone like you running the homes back in St Croix.”

Eliza smiles sweetly at him, his words making her heart jump. “It makes me happy to hear that. Your story was always a part of my motivation too, you know. I don’t want anyone to have to go through that.”

“The world is a better place because you’re in it, Elizabeth Schuyler.” Alexander pulls her into his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around her and resting his chin on her head. “Mine especially.”

\- - -

Eliza was on a high.

Alexander had kept true to his promise. He took a few days off work (a miracle of itself) and took her the Oregon Coast. They spent their long weekend taking walks on the beach, finding sea shells, sand dollars and exploring cute shops. She finds a few knick knacks and things for her family, feeling content and happy every time the day closes.

On the third night of their vacation, they made love.

It came on suddenly, the urge she felt coiling in her stomach. They had shared a bed plenty times in their new relationship. She was by now well accustomed to falling asleep with Alexander snoring in her ear again. But it felt different that night when he climbed into bed. She hadn’t been subtle at all when she rolled on top of him. He stared at her blankly, his hands glued to his side. He didn’t want to overstep again.

“Liza. Are you sure? I can’t exactly go anywhere if this goes wro-” He was cut off by his own groan when Eliza had moved her hips deliberately. There wasn’t much time for protesting after that.

They spent their last vacation day in bed, becoming better acquainted with each other’s bodies once more. That was probably Eliza’s favorite day of the whole vacation.

Returning to New York was a bit of a chore, but Eliza was happy. For the first time in what feels to her like forever. She even informs her parents of her new relationship, feeling nothing could bring her down.

Her father is as supportive as he always is. A bit bewildered, but supportive. Her mother, on the other hand… She had loved Alexander. She had accepted him into the family right away, introduced her to friends as her son even before they were married. She was even angrier then Philip when the Reynold’s scandal came to light.

Her voice was light and airy, a tone that meant she was displeased but was willing to move on. Eliza and her sisters had heard it plenty of times over the years. “Bring him with you Easter weekend.”

Alexander was rightfully terrified and tried in vain to come up with excuses why he couldn't leave the city that weekend. Eliza had heard none of it, and that’s how they ended up on the train ride to Albany.

“Everything’s going to be fine, Alex.” Eliza says as she feels the train start to calm down. “Honestly. My family are reasonable people. And if I can forgive, so can they.” She squeezes his hand reassuringly before she stands up.

“Easy for you to say. You know you’re in Catherine Schuyler’s favor.” Alex grumbled, hitching their shared carry on bag over his shoulder.

It’s Angelica who comes to pick them up. After a customary Schuyler sister reunion, consisting of them screaming while holding each other and causing a small scene, the eldest sister looks at her former brother in law. They had been close, had known each other for a few weeks before introducing Eliza to him. They related to each other more then anything. So much so that Eliza briefly wondered early on in their relationship if Alex had chosen the wrong sister. He hadn’t.

The two of them were like fire. They challenged each other and pushed each other to be better. They went to law school together. They burned red hot and could do a lot of damage to each other if needs be. Eliza had seen a glimpse of that during the divorce where Angelica had represented her. It was almost as if the affair had hurt Angelica more then it hurt herself, some days.

“Alex.” Angelica brings Eliza out of her reverie. “Hey.”

“Hello, Angelica.” Alexander nods a bit nervously.

Angelica turned straight back to her sister and threw an arm around her shoulder, leading her to the car. Eliza sees Alexander let out a sigh of relief. It’s not exactly a warm welcome, but it’s a nice start.

“Peggy was just arriving when I left to pick you guys up.” Angelica informs the pair, Eliza looking happily out the window as they made their way to her childhood home. “Apparently she has new girl.”

“Oh? How exciting.” Eliza smiles, happy for her younger sister. Things seemed to be falling into place for all of them. She shares a happy glance with Alexander through the rear view mirror, getting a nervous half smile in return.

They pull into her parent’s winding driveway and she can just feel her boyfriend’s anxiety rise. They all three climb out of the car and Eliza presses a reassuring kiss to his cheek before unloading their suitcase from the trunk of Angelica’s car.

Her parents and sister all file onto the porch, a huge smile gracing Peggy’s bright face. “Liza!” She dashes down the steps, acting more like the sixteen year old girl Eliza will always think of her as, and much less like the actual twenty nine year old woman she is. They embrace tightly even though they had seen each other only a month prior.

Peggy didn’t even pause to think before she launches herself into Alexander’s arms, shocking both her family and Alex. He pauses before wrapping his arms around her and squeezing back lightly. “Hey, Peg.” A fond tone seeped through.

“Hey, bro.” She grins as she pulls away. “Welcome back. I won’t hesitate to murder you if you hurt her again.” Her tone was awfully cheery. “And I’ll get away with it because I happen to have a kick ass lawyer whose already agreed to defend me.”

“It’s true.” Angelica calls from the porch, shrugging modestly.

“I don’t doubt it.” Alex reassures her, taking Eliza’s hand when she offers it. Peggy leads them onto the porch.

Eliza embraces both of her parents, whispering “Be nice,” into her mother’s ear before pulling away.

“Mr Schuyler-” Alexander starts after clearing his throat.

“Oh, please. Call me Philip, son.” Her father dismisses his formality with a wave of his hand. “If our Liza has accepted you back, so can we.” He shakes Alexander’s hand, his usual kind grin on his face.

Alexander visibly relaxes and offers a sheepish smile. He turns towards Eliza’s mother. “Catherine, I’m so-”

“Mrs Schuyler will do.” Catherine says politely, but the venom in her voice was almost tangible. There’s a beat of perhaps a bit of uncomfortable silence. Angelica smirks while both Philip and Peggy grimace sympathetically. They’ve all been the target of Catherine Schuyler’s wrath at one point or another and all know how scary it can be.

“Mom.” Eliza gathers her bearings, frowning. Her mother pats her shoulder comfortingly.

“Everything’s alright, dear. Let’s all head inside, yeah? A storm’s brewing, best not be out here when it arrives.” With that, she spins around on her heels and saunters inside the house.

Eliza turns to face Alexander, an apologetic look on her face. “Alex-”

“I deserve it.” He says instead, frowning and shaking his head. “It’s fine. I’m okay.” He offers her a small, half hearted smile. She gives him an unimpressed look before she kisses his lips- he was an unfortunately good liar, but Eliza could typically read right through him. Alexander sighs, slinging an arm around her waist. “I may not be okay, but I do deserve it. I deserve everything she throws at me this weekend.”

She leads him inside her large childhood home a bit warily. She had a feeling this weekend was going to be a long one. She was already missing the crowded yet safe and secure city they had left behind.

Dinner was a tense affair. One full of awkward small talk, long stretches of silence and plenty of pleading looks from Eliza to her mother to please let up.  
Alexander escapes as quickly as he can after dinner, babbling out an excuse about some conference call he absolutely had to take, even if it was well after office hours.

Once he was safely out of ear shot, Eliza turns to her mother. “Seriously-?”

“I’ll go get dessert.” Peggy says, her tone a bit too high to be natural- the poor beam of sunshine had never dealt well with contention.

“I’ll help.” Their father was quick to follow his youngest daughter’s example. Angelica rolled her dark eyes at their retreating figures, staying put, her slim arms crossed over her chest, fully content to watch this spectacle unfold.

Eliza watches her mother expectantly, raising an eyebrow.

Catherine Schuyler sighs, folding her napkin delicately in her lap. “I don’t understand what you’re referring to, darling.”

Eliza stared at her for a moment. “You’re joking, yes? Please tell me you’re joking.” When her mother said nothing, she laughed humorlessly. “You’ve like, gone out of your way to make my boyfriend feel uncomfortable and unwelcome, and when you weren’t doing that, you were ignoring him. When I agreed to spend the weekend here, I was told that everyone would be respectful-”

“I’ve been nothing but respectful, Elizabeth.” Eliza groaned at the use of her full name, hiding her face in her hands. “Do you realize what you just called him? Your boyfriend. A man you were once married to is your boyfriend. Need I remind you why he’s not your husband?”

Eliza stared at her while Angelica intervened. “Mom, really?”

“No. She needs to hear this.” Her mother said stubbornly, not even glancing in her eldest daughter’s direction.

Eliza felt a flash of irritation. “You don’t get to decide what I need anymore, for god’s sake I’m thirty two years old-!”

“He cheated on you, Eliza. He cheated on you and still proposed to you. He didn’t think to share that bit of information with you for years into your marriage and then only decides to do so publicly and only because his ass was on the line-”

“I know this!” Eliza snaps. “I fucking lived this, mother, I don’t need to hear it again-”

“Let me finish.” Her mother snaps back. “Not only did he lie to you for years, he only came forward to save himself, for crying out loud. He didn’t take your feelings into consideration at all. He dragged you to that event to let you listen to his astonishingly detailed recount of his affair. He did all of that to you even when you just had lost a fucking baby for crying out loud-”

“Mother!” Angelica snapped just as Eliza flinches back as if she had been slapped. It’s only then that Catherine softens. “I’m-”

“What baby?”

All three heads of the Schuyler woman spun around, Eliza’s eyes widening in horror.

Alexander takes another step forward, an unreadable expression on his face. “What baby is she talking about, Eliza?”

“I. I don’t,” Eliza looks between her mother, sister, and Alexander. 

“Liza, did you not tell him?” Angelica asked after a few moments of stunned silence. 

  
“What baby?” Alexander demanded again, his voice growing hard. “Eliza, what baby?” 

  
Eliza stands up calmly, the entire room silent. She approached Alexander slowly, folding her arms together over her chest. 

“What baby?” He asks again. 

  
“I’m sorry.” She says, her voice soft. And then, she did what any other respectable thirty-two-year-old woman would do. 

She ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See me on tumblr! elizabethhamilton1780.tumblr.com


	2. Chapter 2

She ran. She spins on her heels and runs for the back patio door. She throws it open, dashing barefoot down the back wooden porch. She doesn’t care that it’s thundering, that the rain is pouring down. She doesn’t care that she’s only wearing a sleeveless summer dress, her cardigan discarded inside. She doesn’t care that literally everybody in that huge childhood home of hers is calling her name. She sees through the corner of her eye Alexander nearly fall down the porch in his attempt to catch up with her. 

 She doesn’t stop, though. She keeps running. She runs and runs and runs, the rain soaking her to her bones. She runs through the pastures she used to play in as a childhood, the large oak trees she would hide in with her sisters. A loud clap of thunder startles her, but she continues running. She isn’t sure if anything could stop her from running now. 

 She runs until she gets to the top of a hill on the edge of their property, the thick clouds blocking the beautiful view of the Hudson she usually gets. Panting, she hunches over to try and will the cramp that has developed in her side away, the cool rain dripping down her body. She stands up, tilting her head up towards the sky, her eyes closed. She resists the urge to scream as she had done many times in her teenage hood. She wasn’t a child anymore. She had to be strong. 

 “Are you fucking crazy?!” Alexander snaps, yelling to be heard over the roaring rain. His chest was heaving- from either the news that he undoubtedly figured out by now, or the unexpected run he must have taken. Eliza wasn’t sure. 

 She glances towards the other side of the hill- wondering if she could manage to escape him again. The moment she took a step, he lunged forward, grabbing her wrist. She still refused to look at him, struggling to twist her arm from his grip. “Fucking stop it. Look at me, do you realize how insane this is-! Look at me!” He snapped, managing to grab a hold of her other wrist.

 All at once, the fight left her body. Once he could tell she wasn't going to run, he loosened his grip on her wrists, but doesn’t let go. The pair stares at each other, both struggling to catch their breath.

 “Please tell me she made that up. That this is some fucked up game of hers to scare me away. Tell me there’s no way I did that to you- that there’s no way you did that to me.” Alexander finally says, pleads, really, the hurt in his eyes almost tangible. 

 Eliza swallows, grateful for the rain. He didn't have to see her tears. “The doctor said it was the stress. I didn’t… I didn’t catch on until I was ten weeks along. That couldn’t have helped. I was. Everything was so hectic with the election, I barely saw you, I had just taken over at Windham…I found out the day you left for Virginia. I was terrified. We had all these plans that were supposed to happen before we were going to even think about having a family. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to add any more stress to your plate.” Eliza watches as Alexander squeezes his eyes shut, shaking his head. “Then… The day before the story leaked, I started bleeding. I had just gotten home from the doctors when they raided our apartment.”

 Alexander suddenly dropped her arms, turning away. Eliza couldn’t be sure, but it sounded like he was mumbling “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” over and over again. 

 Eliza swallowed roughly, wrapping her arms around her own small frame. He faces her again and she took that as her cue to continue. She half yelled, the rain roaring so loudly. “It was, a relief, almost? The raid. I was almost happy with everything that happened. It was a distraction from all the initial pain, made me realize that life… that I had to keep going. Then you flew me out to D.C and I panicked even more because not only was your job and reputation on the line, but. You would have felt like it was your fault, and I didn’t want that. I didn’t want you to hurt any more than you already were-” 

He laughs bitterly, covering his face with his hands as he hunched forward. “How the _fuck_ do you think I feel now?!” He yells when he straightens up.  

Eliza’s lower lip wobbled as she tried to contain the sob that was crawling out from her chest. “Please don’t yell at me right now.” 

“Oh really?! You don’t want me to yell at you right now?! Well I’m sorry, let’s just ignore all of this and continue on like you haven't been lying your ass off to me these past few years! Jesus Christ, Eliza. Fucking… Grow the fuck up.”  

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” Eliza cries, gathering enough strength to step closer to him.  

“It means that I’ve been fucking… Oh my god, I’ve been beating myself up and _hating_ myself for being an idiot and fucking things up with you. I’ve been feeling all of these things and blaming myself for our marriage falling apart and you’ve been hiding my dead child from me for all these years?! But that’s okay, right?!” Alexander yells. Eliza stared at him, unsure what to say. He let out another laugh. A cold, bitter laugh that didn’t sound anything like him. “You’re so fucking good at playing the victim! Fucking running away from me like that. You even had me fooled! Oh, poor Eliza, with the husband too busy to be around her-!”  

“You knew I didn’t believe that! You knew how proud of you I was!” Eliza interrupts, her eyebrows knitted together, her frail frame trembling from the cold and her slim arms wrapped around her middle.

“Poor Eliza with the unfaithful husband! Hey, I wonder what everyone would think if they knew you fucking left me to go on a vacation for three months!” 

“It was a trip that my sisters and I had been planning for years! I wasn’t going to throw that all away because you didn’t want to be lonely! I thought I could trust you!” She cries incredulously. “I can’t believe you’re blaming me for what happened that summer!”

“I fucking begged you to stay, Eliza!” He yells louder then ever before, shocking Eliza. “I knew it, I just fucking _felt_ something and I begged you to stay and bought you a fucking ring I couldn't afford and _you still left me_!”   

Stunned, Eliza sat there silently, tears rolling down her cheeks, mixing with the rain. “It’s not my responsibility to make sure you behave-” she struggles to keep her ground, even though she felt her walls crumbling around her. Was it really her fault? 

“But no one knows that. And I didn’t even know that we were going to have a child. I didn’t even know I lost the one family member I had.” Alexander says much more quietly, his shoulders slumping. He looked so defeated.  

“Alexander I’m so-” Eliza started to say, her voice cracking. 

He held up a hand to stop her apologies, shaking his head and starting to retreat from the hill.

“Wait! Where are you going?!” She cries after him, sliding briefly in her effort to get to him. 

“Away. Away from you, away from this godawful house and away from your godawful mother.” He says bitterly, not even bothering to stop and face her.  

“Alexander, please-!” Eliza was not above, begging, panic rising in her chest. 

“No!” Alexander snaps, spinning around to glare at her, his eyes already red rimmed from the crying. “I’m fucking done, Elizabeth. I’m done with you.” Eliza stopped in her tracks, feeling like the air had been stomped out of her lungs. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to go mourn the loss of a baby I didn’t even know I had.” 

She bent down into a crouch on her knees, gasping for air. She watched him angrily retreat until he disappeared into the heavy foliage they had ran through. She sat there, shivering and numb for she doesn’t even know how long. Eventually, she started to wander back, her body stiff. She’d done nothing but cry for well over an hour but still felt a sob crawling it’s way up her throat as she climbed the back steps of her childhood home. 

Before she could even process what was happening, Peggy had the door thrown open and her older sister wrapped up in one of her famous hugs. “I’m sorry, Liz. I’m so sorry.” She said quietly, her warm cheeks pressed against Eliza’s neck. Another sob rocked Eliza’s body and she hugged Peggy back tightly, Angelica joining soon after.  

Eliza’s trembling eventually gets so bad that they’re forced to go back inside, even though that’s the last place she wants to be. She wordlessly heads up the stairs and down the long corridor to the left, her room at the end of the hall. 

The room was painted a light blue, various pieces of her child and teenage hood scattered around the room. Photos of her and her sisters, her and her college friends. There was even one of her and Alexander ice skating on one of their first ever official dates. All cried out, she rips the photo down from the wall and puts it face down on the counter of her dresser. 

She gathers her things, noticing with a pause that Alexander’s things were still there. His clothes, but not his work bag. It made sense. She realizes with dismay and a small flicker of hope that she’ll have to see him when she gets back to the city, to return his things. She could plead her case then. 

After a moment of hesitating, she grabbed Alexander’s soft tee shirts he had brought (probably for her, he never slept with a shirt on and had a thing about her wearing his clothes) and headed into the adjoining bathroom. She takes a long, hot shower, taking time to lather herself in soap and scrub with a wash cloth until her skin was raw. She changes into her pajamas, a pair of leggings and Alex’s shirt, running a brush through her long tangled locks of hair before padding down the stairs.  

“I feel awful.” Peggy was whispering to someone in a hushed voice. “I was the one who brought him down here.”

“What?” Angelica asked. “Why would you do that?”

“Wanted to make him feel welcome, asked if he wanted dessert. Lord knows how well that went.” She sighed, Eliza watching as she picks up a mug, probably drinking some herbal tea. 

“Hey.” Angelica greeted Eliza, spotting her in the entranceway of the kitchen. “Feeling any better?” Peggy elbowed her, rolling her eyes.  

“I’m warmer now.” Eliza says simply, shrugging. “But now all I want is some of that pie and then to go to bed. Is there any left?”

“Should be. We didn’t get to eat it. Here, I can cut it up,” Peggy moves to stand up.

“I got it.” Eliza says sharply, not feeling at all like being coddled at the moment, regretting it immediately as Peggy sinks back down to her seat. She sighs, crossing the room to hug her from behind, mumbling into her shoulder, “I’m sorry.” Peggy pats her hand so she knows she’s forgiven. They all share a slice of pie before Eliza retreats, feeling their burning gazes on her back. She’s going to have to get used to all those pity looks again, she supposes. 

 She turns on her bedside lamp, climbing under the covers on her bed and trying to get herself comfortable. She’s been spoiled, the past couple weeks. She’s displeased to discover that she has gotten used to having Alexander sleep beside her, missing his body warmth and even his snoring. Crying’s exhausting, though, so after a while, she manages to fall into a deep sleep.

 \- - - 

 She’s awoken by kisses on her jaw and neck, the stubble of his chin feeling like sandpaper on her soft skin. She feels tears form readily in her eyes, inhaling a shaky breath. 

 “Eliza,” he breathes, burying his face in her neck. “My love, my life. I’ll never be done with you. I’m so sorry,” she feels his tears before she hears his half sob. She reluctantly shifts her body so she was laying on her back, facing him more. She cups one of his cheeks, beckoning him forward for a short kiss, one that was wet because of the combination of their tears.

 “I’m sorry too.” She breathes against his lips, her eyes still shut. She shushes him when he starts to say something else. “Let’s talk tomorrow. Just hold me tonight, alright?”

 Alexander nodded frantically, short jerky nods. “I’ll hold you forever. I love you so much.”

 Eliza smiled faintly, her heavy eyes falling shut, rolling back onto her side. She listens as he muddles around the room, hears the sound of his bag being unzipped, followed by the familiar clang of his belt buckle against the hardwood floor. He sneaks under the covers, tangling their legs together and wrapping his arms around her middle. He presses a kiss to the sensitive skin behind her ear, their bodies being so close together that they share the same pillow. 

  _“Promise me you’ll never leave me.” He mumbled against her neck as his hands frantically wandered Eliza’s backside, her body pressing his against the door of their shitty apartment. She didn’t say anything at first, enjoying his kisses and groping, letting out a large gasp when he bit into her neck. “Baby, promise me you’ll never leave me.” He said again, his hands moving to cup her breasts._

  _“I’ll never leave you.” Eliza vowed, tugging his face from her neck to her lips. He bit and sucked lightly at her lower lip, groaning when she pushed him away for air._

  _“Then don’t go. Stay with me.” He pleaded, his hands fiddling for the zipper on the back of her dress._

  _“No.” She said simply, gasping then laughing after her flipped them so he was pressing her against the door, shoving off the thin straps of her dress._

  _“You promised.” He said in an accusatory tone, groaning at the sight of her braless chest, getting momentarily distracted._

  _“I promised I would never leave you. And I’m not. I’ll be gone for three months,” She smirked a little when he let out a whine that was muffled by the skin between her breasts. “Which is a very short amount of time when you take the rest of our lives into consideration.”_

  _“It’s Peggy’s semester abroad. I still don’t understand why you have to go.” His hands slid into the back of her panties, squeezing lightly at her ass while she unbuttoned his shirt._

  _“We’ve been planning on this since Angie’s senior year of high school. We promised each other that we were going to live in Europe together no matter what we had going on in our lives, including boyfriends and jobs.” She reiterated to him perhaps the thousandth time in the past few weeks. “Now shut up and let’s enjoy our last night together. For a while.” She added the last bit at the look of panic on his face._

  _Alexander glared at her momentarily before picking her up, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist, leaving their discarded clothing around the entrance of their apartment._

  _Afterward, they lay side by side, the only sound filling the room was their heavy breathing as they came down from the high._

  _“Wow.” Eliza said eventually, rolling onto her side so she was facing Alexander. She raked her fingers lightly through the hair on his chest. “I know I’m on birth control but I swear I might be pregnant after that.” She teased him, leaning in to give him another kiss. Before she could give him a real one, he rolled off their crickety old bed. She frowned a bit, sitting up all the way. “Bad joke? Okay, I’m sorry.”_

  _She watched him pull on his discarded pair of boxers and saunter over to their dresser, bend down on his haunches to rifle through the bottom drawer. “Babe. What are you doing?” She pried, grabbing the rumpled sheets and wrapping them loosely around her as she stood up. “Seriously.” She nudged her toe at his lower back when he didn't answer. “What are you looking for?”_

  _He seemingly found what he was looking for, slamming the drawer shut and spinning around to face her, one hand held behind his back._

  _“Going to tell me what that is?” Eliza raised an eyebrow. Her swollen lips formed a pretty pink O as he sunk down to one knee. “Alexander.”_

  _Her breath hitched when he opened the tiny black velvet box, revealing a beautiful gold diamond ring that she knew he could not yet afford. “I love you so much.” He said simply. “I love you more then I’ve ever loved anyone, including my late mother and I didn't even think that was possible.” She let out a wet laugh as her heart beat fast in her chest. “Marry me, Elizabeth Schuyler. Please? Stay with me and we can get married. Please.”_

  _Eliza sighed shakily, a sob wanting to crawl it’s way up her throat. “Alex, you. I love you so much, you silly man.” She sunk to her knees in front of him, the hope in his eyes made her want to throw up and say yes, though not necessarily in that order. “Of course I’ll marry you,” she said just as she closed the box. “Just not yet. Not until I’m back.”_

  _The hope in his eyes vanishes and he deflates, falling back to sit on his ass. “Fine.” He said cooly, tossing the box back into the messy drawer before he stood up and slammed it shut with his foot._

  _“Are you seriously mad at me right now?” Eliza asked incredulously, her eyes following him as he moved to the clean pile of laundry she had folded earlier, tossing on his old Columbia shirt over his head. “Did you really think that was going to change anything?”_

  _“Yes!” He finally snapped, turning to look at her as he angrily pulled on a pair of jeans. “Yes, I did. Excuse me for thinking my girlfriend of over five years would want to marry me!”_

  _Eliza groaned, squeezing her eyes shut momentarily, not ready for this argument. “Of course I want to marry you, Alex. Of course I do! And we can, once I get back. We can get married the moment we get back. I can meet you in Vegas, for fuck’s sake. I am just as dedicated to us as you are, and me living with my sisters doesn’t change that!”_

  _“It completely changes it! You’re choosing them over me, you realize?!” Eliza actually laughed at his ridiculousness. “I’m serious, Eliza! I need you, I can't deal with everything without you to come home to. I need you and you’re just ignoring that fact!”_

  _“Alexander, you’re being… Baby, look at me.” She crossed the room, cupping his cheeks and ignored his attempt to shrug her off. “This isn’t the end for us. I’ll be back in three months, and we’ll have the rest of our lives together. I need you to understand that I need to do this. For me. And there’s Skype, we can call every night, I’ll send you pictures, pictures of anything you want…”_

  _He takes her wrists into his hands, prying her off. “I don’t know that I can wait for you to vacation in Europe for three months to figure out if you love me or not.” He says, his tone completely calm, a terrifying thing for Eliza._

  _He grabs his jacket hanging on the post of their bed and stalks out of the room. Eliza gathers the sheets better around herself and follows him. “Where are you going?! It’s late! Alex, please, I know I love you, that isn’t what this is about-!” She’s cut off by the defining slam of the door. She sinks down to her knees in the doorway of their bedroom, sighing._

  _Her flight left the next afternoon around four. She was certain he’d be back by then, that they’d have enough time to kiss and make up before he drove with her to the airport._

  _She was wrong._

  _Peggy and Angelica sat on the chairs next to their gate entrance, Eliza pacing. When Peggy opened her mouth to speak, Eliza held up her finger. “He’ll be here. I just know it.”_

  _“Liz, the plane leaves with or without us.” She sighed._

  _“I know Alex, alright? You’re going to have sixteen long ass apology voicemails by the time we land. Everything’s going to work out whether he gets his sorry ass here in time or not.” Angelica interjected, a bit more sensitive to the topic then Peggy._

  _Eliza felt tears form in her eyes. “I don’t want that to be the last I see of him for three months. He was so upset.” Her sisters had nothing to say to that, avoiding eye contact._

  _“Last boarding call for British Airways flight to Heathrow.” The attendant at the desk called, looking pointedly at the three sisters._

  _Eliza swallowed, slowly leaning down to grab her carry on bag. He really wasn’t coming._

  _Angelica waited for Eliza to enter first, probably to make sure her younger sister actually went through with it._

  _“WAIT! ELIZA, WAIT!” Everyone in the area turns their attention towards the source of the sound, the strangers probably seeing a crazed Latino man causing a ruckus, but Eliza seeing the love of her life. Her entire face lit up, her hand moving to cover her huge smile._

  _“Oh, god.” Angelica groaned, taking in the sight of what a sweaty mess Alexander was. “This is not happening right now.”_

  _Peggy grinned, her head popping out from behind Eliza. “Twenty bucks, Ang.”_

_Eliza glared at her sisters, moving to step back out of the gate, the attendant stopping her. She opened her mouth to say something, then caught sight of Alexander’s pathetic state and sighed. “Two minutes.”_

  _Eliza nodded gratefully, stepping past her and into Alexander’s awaiting arms. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I shouldn't have proposed like that. That was crazy, I’m sorry.” He said into her ear, her face buried into his neck. “You deserve so much more than that, you deserve a bouquet of a dozen roses and a cheesy romantic date and an even cheesier romantic speech. I’m going to give you all that and more, baby. But for now… I want you to go and do whatever makes you happy, alright? This is your dream and your dreams are my dreams. As long as you come back to me, as long as I’m somewhere in that plan of yours. I love you so much.”_

  _Eliza sniffled, pulling away to pull him in for a long kiss. “Alexander, you are the fucking only plan I have.” She watches as he smiles faintly before kissing her forehead. Embracing tightly, they swayed from side to side, both dreading the moment they’d have to let go. Eventually, when the flight attendant cleared her throat, Alexander pulled away the slightest bit so they could see each other’s face. “I love you.” She said before she wiped the tears away from her face roughly with the back of her hand._

  _He tipped her chin to press one last chaste kiss to her lips.“Alright. Go, before I change my mind and take you hostage.” He reluctantly loosened his grip around her waist.“Have fun. Please, don’t date any hot English boys.” He added as an afterthought._

  _Eliza gave him a half smile, raising an eyebrow like ‘really’look before she walked back to where her sisters are waiting._

  _“Bye, Ham.” Peggy waved. “That was cheesy as fuck.” She cackled when he gave her the finger, turning on her heels and made her way through the gate._

  _Eliza started walking, turning around for one last glance at the heartbroken looking Alexander just as the attendant shut the door._

 

Eliza woke up when the sun shining on her face became too much. She sighed and rolled over onto her other side, seeing Alexander’s warm brown eyes staring at her. “Hi.” She says, her voice barely above a whisper. 

 “You’re beautiful.” He says instead of a greeting, running his fingers through her tangled locks of hair. 

 Eliza snorts, rolling onto her back. “Right. I spent half the day sobbing yesterday, I’m pretty sure I look anything but beautiful.” 

 Alexander winces and she sees it out of the corner of her eyes. “I keep hurting you.” He says in a defeated tone. 

 “I hurt you too.” Eliza says in turn, rolling over to face him again, their heads still on the same pillow. “You had every right to say everything you did yesterday.”

 Alexander shakes his head. “No, I didn’t. Absolutely none of this is your fault- I fucked up. I’m sorry I even said any of that to you. We were in a relationship, a co dependent one. I relied on you too much, and. I had- have, probably, some… Abandonment, issues I need to work through.” Eliza stays quiet, silently agreeing, but not wanting to hurt his feelings. He coughs, then continued. “I spoke with George. On the phone. First time in months, actually. I was lucky he was free.” He swallowed, taking one of Eliza’s hands and threading their fingers together, pressing a kiss to each of the tips.

 “Oh? And what did he say?”

 “That as a man, I really don’t have a lot of say with the baby until he or she is born.” He smiles faintly. “He- They. They were apart of you still, at that point. And you had every right to wait until you were ready to tell me.” He hesitates, pressing another kiss to the back of her hand. “I’m not sure if me knowing… If it would have changed anything. I still would have done it, I still would have confessed to everything. And it’s shitty, and I’m disgusted with myself. And I think that’s why I lashed out, because… because I know that everything your mother said was true, even if I didn’t know. I still would have done it. I was looking for someone to blame and… It was easy to blame you in that moment.”

 Eliza considers his words for a moment, watching him play with her fingers. “I still should have told you.” She says quietly. “They were yours too.”

 “You were trying to protect me. It’s… sweet, in a way.” He lets go of her hand and pulls her against his chest. “I’m just so sad that you had to go through this alone. I’m now even more sad that I put you through all that shit with the Reynolds. I'm sad that I didn’t make you feel safe enough to tell me. I’m sad that I made you think that you and our family were not my first priority. And I have no one to blame but myself for any of that.”

 Eliza shushes him, pulling him down for a long kiss despite both their morning breath. “I love you.”

 “Do you think you could forgive me? Add that to the long list?” Alexander asks worriedly, threading his fingers through the hair on the back of Eliza’s head, frowning. 

 “You’re already forgiven. For everything.” Eliza sighed, letting her eyes flutter shut. 

 “What?” When she didn’t say anything, he cupped her cheek. “Eliza, look at me.”

 She let her tire eyes open once more, meeting his. “You’re forgiven, Alexander.” She repeats. “I’m so tired of letting everything hold us back. I just… I’ve accepted that it’s not going to ever be like it was before. But I still think it can be beautiful, just. A different kind of beautiful. I want to stop overthinking and make up for lost time. Do you think we could do that?”

 Alexander nodded, for once speechless with gratitude. “I love you.”

 “I love you too. Now let me sleep, I’m tired. And quit watching me, creep. Makes me feel weird.” She rolls over again, listening to him chuckle as she adjusts, pulling his arms tight around her. 

 They pack their things and leave as soon as Eliza’s awake and ready. 

 She’s grateful for no one in her family protesting, even though it was very clear that Catherine wanted to say something. 

 "I’ll call.” Eliza says to her parents, giving both of them a quick kiss. She finds Angelica and Alexander hugging on the porch, a welcome surprise. Peggy was sidelined, grinning when she spots Eliza.

 “I can still kick your ass. Don’t forget that.” She hears Angelica say, tapping his chest lightly as they pull away. 

 “Wouldn’t dream of it,” Alex chuckles.

 Once back at home, they move back in together. Alexander moves into Eliza’s place, not even putting up any sort of fight. (Eliza managed a mere half a night in his bachelor pad before the overwhelming lack of organization became too much) Eliza knew it was more of a commute for him, but never heard him complain once. 

 She enjoyed the domesticity of it all. She enjoyed how they fell back into their pattern. She even enjoyed crawling into bed with a usually grumpy Alexander, hearing him complain about work- usually Aaron Burr, having to soothe him (“Yes, you were right honey.” or “How dare he say that”) or finding other (usually physical) means to calm him down. 

 “I told Washington about us.” He says conversationally over dinner one day, stabbing with his fork at a piece of broccoli Eliza had snuck onto his plate. 

 “I thought you told him when we were in Albany.” Eliza frowned a bit, looking up from her own plate. 

 “No, I only told him that I found out that you…” He winced, still unable to say the word. 

 “Miscarried.” Eliza supplied. 

 “Yes, that.” Alexander sighs, taking a longer sip of his wine then strictly necessary. “Anyways, he invited me to this… Party, thing.” He finishes lamely. “And assumed that I wouldn't need a plus one and I said that I would.”

 Eliza smiles wryly, raising one of her eyebrows. “Is that your way of telling me that I’m going to D.C. with you next week?”

 “It’s my way of inviting you.” Alexander chuckles nervously. “You’d need to take Thursday and Friday off of work, if you did want to come.”

 “I think I can manage that. I’d need to go dress shopping, don’t think I have anything suitable to wear to an evening at the White House.” Eliza hummed, taking a bite of her food. 

 “No you don’t. That dress you wore Saturday was lovely.” He interjects with a grin. The dress he was referring to was a bit too revealing to wear to such a formal event, or any event, really. It was a bit too low cut for Eliza’s taste, but the look of Alexander’s face when she pulled it out of it’s retirement from her closet was well worth the judgement she may have gotten. 

 “Babe, you’d rather die then let me wear that thing in public.” Eliza rolls her eyes, fighting back a smile herself. “Stop pretending.” 

 “I let you wear it out to dinner!” Alexander protested, attempting to entangle their feet under the table. He pouted when she kicked lightly at his shin. 

 “No, we made it about half a block from our building before you insisted I wear your jacket.” Eliza corrects with a small smile, pushing away her plate of leftover food. 

 “It was cold. I was being a gentleman.”

 “Whatever you say, honey.” Eliza allows, though she knew perfectly well she would have been able to withstand the cooler weather with the shawl she had brought. “Either way, I wouldn’t feel comfortable wearing that for the first time I become reacquainted with the Washingtons in years.”

 “Fine.” Alexander sighs exaggeratedly, then allows his facade to fade. “You’re really coming with me, though?” His tone was skeptic.

 Eliza smiles a bit. “If you really want me there, of course I will.”

 “I do.” He interjects quickly, “I want you with me always. I just… The last time we were in the capitol…”

 “I know.” She says, offering her hand over the table, palm upwards. Instead of taking it like she expected, he starts to trace patterns over her palm, making her smile. “I think it would be a good thing to make better memories there… Don’t you?”

 “You’re perfect.” Alexander says again, making Eliza roll her eyes. “I mean it. I don’t deserve you and you’re perfect. I love you so much.”

 “I love you too, idiot.” Eliza says, unable to keep the fond smile off her face. She was anything but perfect and she knew that. Though, perhaps, she could allow Alexander think that for just a tad longer.

 \- - -

 Eliza was… nervous, to say the least. She hasn’t been back to Washington DC since the fatal press conference, or been to any events with any sort of level of politics. She hated the institution, really, saw everyone in that business as power hungry men willing to destroy anything and anyone as long as it gained them power. 

 She hadn’t seen the Washingtons since then either, where she had essentially spat on George’s face and had wrongly blamed him for everything when she hadn’t been able to accept the fact that it was Alexander’s doing. 

 They flew in on a Wednesday night, Alexander having some business to take care of during the day Thursday. So, Eliza essentially had the entire day to worry herself into a panic. 

 She’d loved Martha dearly, and had ignored all of her calls. She’d ignored the flowers they sent on her birthday, the expensive gifts of various perfumes or jewelry and the seemingly endless amount of invitations to their lavish presidential events. She’d ignored each one of their attempts to reach out, really. They stopped trying after about a year, but Eliza had carried the guilt for the past few years. 

 She stares at her reflection in the full length hotel mirror, the navy blue silk hugging the top half of her body, relaxing and flaring out just below her waist. The dress had a sweetheart neckline with thin straps over her shoulders. Her dark hair was pulled into a loose twist on the back of her head, no jewelry besides the dangle sapphire earrings she had borrowed from Angelica. 

 “Hey, I just called down for the car, should be ready in a few minutes- woah.” Eliza turns to face him at the last second, blushing and grinning when he made a show of clutching his heart. He looks so handsome in his traditional tux, black tie a tad crooked and his shorter hair looking done up for the first time in a while. “You look amazing.” He took her hand and pulled her close enough for a kiss, pouting when it was shorter then he wanted it to be. 

 “Lipstick.” Eliza says unapologetically, smiling at him. “You look a lot more handsome in a tux then I remember, baby.” She fussed to straighten his tie, feeling his hands settle on the small of her back.

 “Thanks, I think?” His face twists into a comically confused expression. Eliza laughs and pecks his lip again, maneuvering out of his grip to grab her small clutch purse and phone. “Ready?” He asks, holding out his hand. She nodded after taking a deep breath, allowing him to entwine their fingers. “You’re nervous for nothing, you know. They love you. George defended you when I was being an idiot about your…” he trailed off.

 Eliza squeezes his hand as they make the short walk towards the hotel elevators. “Miscarriage, my love. Miscarriage. You have to be able to say the word before you can accept it.” 

 “Don’t have to accept it because it’s never going to happen again.” He says mock cheerfully, pressing thebutton. Eliza sighs at his comment but didn’t reply, because god, she hoped he was right. 

 It was surreal, walking into this event. The entire place was lit up, a string quartet playing quietly in the background, waiters in white tuxes walking around with trays of champagne and appetizers. It was like a scene out of a movie. Alexander chuckles when she whispers that in his ear, her hand holding tightly onto his arm. 

 It didn’t take very long for work to find Alex, or more specifically, Aaron Burr with his dazzling, stoic wife Theodosia. Just enough small talk to be polite was exchanged before Alexander started prattling on about an upcoming case their firm was being tackled with. Burr’s faced paled considerably and Eliza had figured that maybe the case wasn’t as old news as Alexander seemed to act like it was. “Alexander, can you go get me a drink?” She interrupts sweetly, her free hand moving to grip the lapel of his jacket.

 His eyes seem to melt into puddles the moment his gaze switches from Burr to herself. It makes her smile, but also feel a bit guilty to have taken advantage of his newly found border line annoying doting behavior. “Of course, baby. I’ll be right back.” He presses a kiss to her cheek, nodding towards Aaron and his wife, disappearing into the crowd.

 “He’s lucky to have you, Eliza.” Aaron says after a bit of an awkward pause, taking one of his wife’s hand. “It’s honestly… refreshing to see him so happy again. We were all beginning to worry for him.”

 Eliza smiles at him, mentally wondering if any of his colleagues really felt something for her over achieving, workaholic boyfriend’s wellbeing. “I think I’m the lucky one, really. But thank you.”

 “Enjoy your evening.” He nods before offering his wife his arm. Eliza watches the slightly odd but admittedly elegant couple disappear into the crowd, the opposite direction of Alexander. 

 “Here we are, Betsey.” Alex appears a few seconds afterwards. She smiles wryly at the sound of her old nickname that had recently surfaced once again, taking the glass of champagne. Hopefully he won’t notice when she doesn’t take a sip. 

 He takes a sip of his own glass, humming. “Here, I think they’re supposed to enter here. If we go over there, we can buy more time.” He takes her hand and tugs her around the crowd to get to the other side of the room. He leads her into the corner of the room, sidelined from all the laughing, passive aggressive politicians and their wives. 

 She feels a bit better, in her secluded corner of the party, her best friend by her side, tucked under his arm. He took it upon himself to fill her in on the scandalous gossip that has surfaced for various of people around the room. He was just finishing up a story about Thomas Jefferson- one of Angelica’s old flings from college- and his much younger wife when the President and First Lady’s presence was announced. 

 The knot in her stomach tightens. She must look as panicked as she felt, because Alexander squeezes her a bit more against his side. She offers him a grateful smile, knowing how ridiculous she was being. She felt as though she was meeting Alexander’s parents for the first time, or something similar. She knew her boyfriend wouldn’t appreciate her comparison (he’d always had been weird about her jokes like that, and had apparently gotten into a few arguments with his at the time boss over the nickname ‘son’) but didn’t know how else to describe it. 

 They hung back for well over an hour, person after person approaching the esteemed couple. When there was finally a lull, Alexander turns to her. “Ready?” 

 Eliza nods once, unable to speak. She lightly elbows his side when he chuckles, secretly glad for the steadying hand he has on the small of her back. She watches as Martha’s eyes light up at the sight of them, her black skin looking beautiful against the bright red dress she chose for the evening. She watched as she elbowed her uncomfortable looking husband to get his attention.

 “Mr. President, Mrs-” Alexander starts to say, getting cut off by one of Martha’s signature motherly hugs perhaps a bit inappropriate for the setting. He chuckles, hugging her back. “Hi, mom.” He says teasingly, a bit more understanding about the parent jokes towards Martha for some reason Eliza couldn't understand. 

 Martha beams at Eliza, making the latter woman smile despite her nerves, accepting the gentler hug she gets in return. “Darling Liza. You look so beautiful and well, my dear.” The older woman says, practically grinning from ear to ear. “It’s so good to see you.” Eliza feels her heart twinge, missing the bond she once had with her. While their husbands were both on the campaign trail, Martha had invited Eliza over to their home for dinner at least once a week, and had grown very close. She felt as though Martha was a second mother to her, the pain of losing that relationship as well suddenly feeling fresh. 

 “It’s so good to see you too, Mrs. Washington. You look amazing, this job suits you as well as I predicted it would.” Eliza grins when the First Lady throws her head back and laughs, suddenly feeling much more confident. 

 “Ah, so you remember those conversations too?” Martha’s still beaming as she hugs Eliza once more. “Please, dear. Call me Martha. We’re too good of friends to call each other anything but first names, yes?”

 “Of course.” Eliza smiles gratefully at the double meaning behind the older woman’s words, squeezing Alexander’s hand after he entwines their fingers again. 

 “Son.” George Washington speaks for the first time, his voice gruff and intimidating as Eliza remembers it being. He offered one of his hands out towards Alex, who shakes it firmly. 

 “Mr. President. Thank you so much for your invitation tonight, it’s been lovely.” Alex says, though his tone was dripping with sarcasm, probably for the son comment.

 The president smiles crookedly at him, the first one Eliza’s seen all night. Her heart nearly stops beating when he looks at her. “Miss Schuyler,” he says, holding his hand out. The handshake they share is much more gentler then the previous one he shared with Alex. For some reason, it brings tears to Eliza’s eyes when he pats the back of her much smaller hand that was still engulfed in his. He was a man of few words, but this said plenty to her. She was forgiven. 

 The relief she felt was indescribable. She ignores her boyfriend's very smug expression, but allows him to tuck her into his side again. “She’s been stressing over this party all week- ow!” he pouts when Eliza elbows him particularly hard.

 The Washingtons chuckle at the younger couple, Martha still smiling brightly. “You had no reason to, dear. You have no idea how happy it makes me to see you two together again. You look happier then you were before, and I didn’t believe that was possible when I first met you.” Eliza blushes slightly, Alexander kissing her flushed cheek with a smile. “Of course, I was a little disappointed when Hamilton turned down George’s offer for the cabinet position, but we were so happy to hear why.” 

 Eliza’s smile dimmed slightly. “What position are you talking about?” 

 Martha’s beaming smile dims considerably too, Eliza batting away Alexander’s arm from where he was motioning at his throat to cut it out, his dark eyes wide. 

 “No, really. What position? I didn't know you were offered any position.” Eliza insists, turning to address Alexander directly now, slight frown set on her face. 

 Alexander coughs once, clearly looking uncomfortable. “Oliver Wolcott is resigning at the end of the President’s term. Assuming he gets elected again, which is highly likely, the President kindly offered me the opportunity to take over his position as Secretary of the Treasury.” Eliza stares at him in disbelief. 

 “I’m so sorry,” Martha interjects, a guilty look on her face while the look on her husband’s was just plain discomfort. “I assumed that you’d spoken with her about it, Ham.”

 “Don’t apologize, Martha.” Eliza cuts in before Alexander could. “It was perfectly rational for you to assume he would tell me something about a decision important as that one. Because that’s what people in adult relationships do. They tell each other things.” She addresses her boyfriend towards the end, irrationally hurt by being excluded in this decision. 

 “Betsey, I-” Alexander attempts to interject. 

 “No. We’ll finish this discussion later.” Eliza says shortly, turning back towards the President and First Lady. “It was wonderful to see you again. Thank you so much for your invitation. We won’t take up anymore of your time.” She embraces Martha again, shaking the President’s hand. After Alex says his goodbyes, Eliza’s the one to lead this time, tugging on Alexander’s hand. She heads straight for the exit, even if the party was only halfway done. 

 “Honey, I was hoping to catch a dance with you-” Alexander started to say once they were outside, away from prying ears. 

 “Not really in the dancing mood.” Eliza says pointedly, folding her arms across her chest as they wait for the valet to pull up their rental car. She doesn’t protest when Alex slings his jacket over her thin shoulders, ignoring the look of relief on his face. 

 “Eliza, I was going to tell you. It wasn't even an official offer, and we had just-” he tries to explain again. 

 “We’ll talk about this when we get back to the room.” She interrupts him, staring ahead and not at him. “After we stop at a drug store.”

 “What? Why a drug store?” Alex’s eyebrows furrow, still watching his girlfriend anxiously. 

 “We need to pick up a pregnancy test.”

 \- - -

 Alexander had refused to leave her side at first, until she snapped at him that she didn’t want him to watch her pee. 

 She’d been on birth control, but she’d forgotten to take it for a few days. The days, of course, where they decided to celebrate their moving in together by having sex on literally every flat surface of the apartment.

 They were now sitting in an anxious silence, Eliza sitting on the rim of the bathtub, Alexander leaning against the door facing her, the test waiting to be read in the sink. There was a timer going on Eliza’s phone, the tense couple watching each other silently. 

 “Wish I was there with you when you did this the first time.” He says to break the silence, tilting his head to the side to look at her. “You seem like an expert at this now.”

 Eliza closed her eyes and smiled faintly, shaking her head. “Babe, you literally pee on a stick. It’s not hard to become an expert at it.”

 “Still.” He sighs stubbornly, raking his sock clad feet against the tile of the bathroom floor. 

 “I do too.” She admits, looking down at her own feet, her toes freshly painted to match the color of her dress. “It was really scary.”

 She listens to him cross the room, seeing him kneel in front of her out of the corners of her eyes. He drapes his arms over her lap, leaning his chin on them until she looks at him. “Is it less scary now?”

 “Yes.” She admits, watching him smile. One of her hand curls lightly around his jaw, cupping his scruffy cheek. “We’re older now. More financially prepared. But the fears are the same.”

 “What do you mean?” He frowns, taking her hand from his cheek to hold it in both of his calloused ones. 

 She stays quiet for a moment, debating on what to say. “Hamilton, I want you to take that job.” She watched him groan and bury his face in their entangled hands. “I can’t believe I have to say this to you, but when the fucking President of the United States offers you a position in his cabinet, you say yes.”

 “This is why I didn’t want to tell you.” He lifts his head to look at her. “I knew you’d make me take it.”

 “Alex, this has been your dream since your junior year of college. You have to take it.” 

 “ _You’re_ my dream, Elizabeth Schuyler.” Alex shakes his head when she lets out a wet laugh. “I mean it. We’re in a really good place right now, and I don’t want an even more stressful job to ruin that.” 

 Eliza shakes her head. “Even if you didn’t take this job, we’d find another rough patch. That’s what life is, Alex. You can’t avoid conflict forever.” 

 “We may be having a baby.” He gestures with his head towards the sink. “You really want me to be in DC for your pregnancy?”

 Eliza stares at him blankly. “You do realize that I’d be moving with you, right?”

 “What?” The look of shock on his face is priceless. Like that was an option that never crossed his mind. 

 “Alex, I’m going to move with you.” Eliza says, biting back exhausted laughter. “You really think I’d stay in New York if you were here?”

 Alexander hesitates, looking a tad embarrassed. “I don’t… You hate it here. You hate DC.”

 “I think I’d hate New York without you there too.” She admits, running her fingers through Alexander’s slightly gelled hair. 

 “You hate politicians. We made fun of an entire room of them all night. You really want me to become one of those monsters?”

 She smiles faintly. “You aren’t like them, baby. I don’t think I could ever hate you- I tried for two years, remember?” 

 “You hate _politics_.” Alex tries again, voice raising slightly. “I’m not letting you give anything else up for me ever again.”

 “Alexander that’s what a fucking _relationship_ is.” Eliza snaps. She regrets it immediately as she sees the forlorn look on her boyfriend’s face. “Look, I just. We can’t look at it as giving something up. We look at it as… a compromise. A way to lift each other up. Relationships are about compromising, right? Not one of us giving up more then the other. Finding a path that works partway for both of us and making our way through said path with whatever obstacle is thrown at us. We’re both going to have to give things up to make each other happy. This isn't a one sided relationship, I’m not going to let that happen. You’ll resent me eventually if I do.” 

 He watches her for a moment. Eliza can just see his thoughts gathering. “What about the orphanage?”

 “I can probably do more good here then in New York.” She says thoughtfully. “There’s always recently tarnished reputations, and politicians looking for ways to clean up. Think of the money we’ll get for those children.” Her tone gets a bit dreamy towards the end and they both chuckle.

 “The kids, though.” He says again, frowning. “They mean so much to you. Would you be okay with not seeing them?”

 Eliza hesitates, her heart aching slightly. A small smile takes up her face. “We might have a little one of our own soon. I think that’d be a good way to fill the void. And if not, Lottie will send me pictures. There’s FaceTime. We’d visit… I’d be okay.” 

 He cups her cheeks, making her look at him dead in the eye. “You’re truly okay with this?” 

 “Your dreams are my dreams.” She echoes his words from forever ago, their goodbye at the airport. Before everything went to shit. 

 Alexander sighed, resting their foreheads together. “I love you so much. I don’t think there’s words eloquent enough to describe how much I love you. You’re everything to me. I don’t deserve you, I never have. Even before I fucked everything up-”

 Eliza shushes him, leaning forward to press their lips together in a soft kiss, a promise of some kind. The timer goes off and they break apart. “Ready?” She asks, nudging him off her knees to stand up, helping him to his feet. He nods and she takes two steps towards the sink, shaking her head. “No. I can’t look. You do it.”

 She turns to face the shower, watching Alexander’s reflection. He pauses too, turning to face her. “I mean. You peed on this, should I really be the one-”

 “ _Alexander_ -”

 “Okay, okay.” He faces the sink again, lifting the test gingerly. She hears him sigh, a relieved sound. “Negative.” 

 “What?” She spins to face him.

 “It’s negative, honey. You aren't pregnant.” He takes a step forward to show her the test, handing it over. He watches her stare at the test, gauging her reaction. “I mean. This is a good thing, right?” He frowns, watching her eyes fill with tears. 

 “Yeah.” Her voice cracks and Alexander pulls her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her. She sniffles, burying her face into his shoulder. “I’m sorry. This is stupid, I. If we’re moving, we shouldn’t have to worry about a baby, I just…” she trails off, unable to admit the words.

 “You want one.” Alexander finishes for her, pulling back slightly to look in her eyes. “I do too.”

 “You do?” she sniffles.

 “Of course I do.” He smiles sadly. “I’ve wanted once since I found out we lost one.” She swallows the lump in her throat, burying her face into him again. “If we both want one…?”

 “What?” She doesn’t pull away. “You want to start trying?”

 “No, I mean. I don’t think now’s the right time. I think we still have a lot to figure out, but. Maybe we could leave it up to fate?” He rubs her back, kissing her temple. 

 “What do you mean?”

 He hums, pulling away again to see her face again. “I mean, instead of trying… What if we just.. stop trying not to have one? You could get off the pill. It takes most couples months of trying, maybe that’ll be enough time for us to get everything settled so we could be pregnant. That way, we’re still doing something, but being responsible too.” He smiles at her. “Sound okay?”

 Eliza nods and buries her face into his neck again. “Thank you. I love you.”

 “I love you too, Betsey. So much.” They sit in a comfortable silence, just holding each other. 

 "Maybe that gives us enough time to be married before we have a kid, too.” She says shyly, her face still hidden. 

“Think I might be able to help with that part, at least.” Alex grins, pulling away to lead her into the other room, sitting her down on the bed. Eliza covers her mouth with her hand when he pulls a blue velvet box from his pocket. “Oh, come on. You can’t be that surprised.” His tone was full of mirth as he sunk to his knee in front of her. 

 “I never thought you’d ask me in DC.” She sniffles, covering her face with both hands for a moment before looking at him again.

 “This is the place where I fucked everything up. It’s going to be the place where I make things right again.” He says simply, opening the box to reveal a beautiful, simple diamond ring. She was pleased to see he didn’t go overboard. The largest diamond was still a smaller one, surrounded by a cluster of even more small diamonds. The band was gold, and twisted around the band. It was delicate and beautiful and so very Eliza. “Your sisters may have helped me pick it out.” He admitted with a grin. 

 She lets out another small sob, thinking of her two best friends in on this beautiful surprise, shaking hand covering her mouth once more. Alexander laughs, though he's getting a bit choked up too. 

 “Eliza… My Betsey. My love, my everything.” He pauses, getting too choked up to continue. Eliza laughs wetly, making him do the same. “I had this beautiful speech all planned out, but…” he shakes his head, and Eliza can see his hands shaking slightly. Is he actually nervous? He takes a deep breath before he continues on. “But I can’t think of it. You, I. That’s what you do to me, Liza. That’s what you’ve done to me since I was a twenty two year old law student. It’s been twelve years now and you still take my breath away. You… fuck, you still make me nervous. I still get butterflies when I see you waiting outside a restaurant for a quick lunch date. You make me _feel_ things _._ You make me feel things more then I’ve ever felt in my life- and that’s with all the emotions. We don’t do things halfway, do we? If we’re fighting, we’re screaming at the top of our lungs. If we’re happy, we’re breaking open the most expensive bottle of wine we have and we’re celebrating like there’s no consequences. You drive me crazy, baby. You make me so frustrated that I want to tear my hair out half the time but the next moment you make me want to love you a thousand times more then I did before- a feat that I don’t ever think is possible. But that’s the amazing thing about us, baby. Isn’t it? We love each other more and more every day, because we know what it’s like to be without each other. I’ve seen what my life is like without you, Eliza. And I have no desire or intention of ever living like that again. Even when we broke up, I knew that you’d never just be my past. I’ve always known that you were always my past, present, and future. I love you so much more than I ever thought was possible, and I've loved you like that since the day I met you.” 

 Eliza sniffles, wiping away her tears with the back of her hand. “Hurry up and ask me so I can kiss you, idiot.” She says, no malice in her tone.

 Alexander smiles, rolling his eyes that are full of tears. “Elizabeth Schuyler, would you please do me the unprecedented honor of becoming my wife again?”

 “Yes.” Eliza says simply, unable to manage anything else. She holds out her left hand, noticing that she was trembling too, her breath hitching when he slides the ring onto her finger. She doesn’t take even a brief pause to admire the ring, grabbing him by his dress shirt and tugging him forward for a long kiss.

 They make love like they hadn’t been together for months, even though they had just done so the night before. It’s so sweet that Eliza finds herself tearing up up quite a few times, Alexander kissing away her tears as he rocks into her.

 “A perfect fit.” He says softly, a while afterwards, admiring the sweet ring on her dainty finger. Her hand was spread out along his, as Eliza was admiring the difference between the sizes of their hands. “It’s beautiful.”

 “You’re beautiful.” She hums, pressing a kiss to his chest before letting her eyes fall shut. She goes to sleep feeling more content then she has in what feels like a very long time, curled up in her fiancé’s capable arms. 

 \- - -

 “Hey, Ang, I forgot to ask you to grab more packing tape, is there any possible way you brought- Mom?” Eliza stops in her tracks, frowning. She was dressed in leggings and an old ratty flannel, her face bare of any makeup, hair tied up in a twist bun tied together by a pencil. She looked exactly like a woman who has been packing her entire life up into boxes and attempting to plan a small wedding should look like. She didn’t look anything at all like what she wanted to when she finally did see her mother after what happened the last time they spoke. “What’re you doing here?”

 Catherine smiles a bit sadly, shrugging off her tan peacoat to reveal herself to be wearing a pair of jeans and a tee shirt, an attire Eliza hasn't seen her mother wear in years. “I’ve come to help. I brought plenty of packing tape, and I have more boxes in the back of my car.” 

 Eliza smiles after a few moments, grateful. “Thank you.”

“Where should I start?” She sets her hands on her hips, looking around the crowded living room without blanching, something which Eliza appreciates. It’s something she’s always admired about her mother- she’s never been afraid of anything. 

 “Those books over there, please.” Eliza watches her mother get to work out of the corner of her eye, her now mostly silver blonde hair pulled up into a loose bun. They work in silence for a while, Eliza being unable to decipher if it was a comfortable silence or not.

 She was going through the box that Alexander had attempted to pack last night, trying to be helpful. All the photo frames but one weren’t wrapped, and it made her roll her eyes. He wasn’t lazy, so why did he only wrap one- oh. 

  _Eliza had never been more terrified._

  _She was finally in her new home, her new huge home, one bigger then Miss Windham’s but with fewer people. She had her own room, separated from her sisters. It was a nice room, she knew. One with a big window that had a really pretty view._

  _She also knew the Schuylers were really really nice and told her to call them mom and dad whenever she was ready._

  _What if she wasn’t ever ready? Would they give her up like her other mom and dad did? Would she be separated from Angie and Peggy forever?_

  _There was a sudden soft knock at her door. She turned around from the window to look and see who it was. It was Mrs. Schuyler, looking as beautiful as ever, her smile being even more kind than she remembered, a file in her hand. “Can I sit with you?”_

  _Eliza nodded numbly, hugging her knees to her chest. Mrs. Schuyler sat next to her on the window sill after setting the file onto the bed- Eliza’s bed? She looked out the window along with her._

  _“How come you aren’t unpacking, sweet girl?”_

  _Eliza’s lower lip wobbled, and she hid her face in her knees before she started to cry._

  _“Oh, honey. Come here, sweet girl. Tell me what’s wrong?” Mrs. Schuyler wrapped one of her arms around Eliza’s shaking form. The little girl didn’t like how she instantly felt better, because what was she going to do when they sent her back?_

  _“I-I’m not unpacking because… because you’ll send me back. And I don’t want to go back!” Eliza’s small body wracked with her sobs, and she hid her face in Mrs. Schuyler’s sweater._

  _“Honey, why on earth would we ever send you back?” Mrs Schuyler tried to reason. “Your father- Mr. Schuyler and I wanted you and your sisters to come live with us so badly that we adopted you. We’d never send you back, Eliza. We love you and your sisters more then anything already.”_

  _“T-that's what my old mommy and daddy said too. But they sent me away.” Eliza sniffled, her face still hidden. “They took me away from my real mom but then sent me away all alone.”_

  _Mrs Schuyler hummed thoughtfully, rubbing the little girl’s back soothingly. Eliza now imagines she was thinking, how do you explain to a child the difference between a foster home and an orphanage? How do you explain to a little girl that her foster parents, who she believes to be her mom and dad, were abusive? How can you explain that to a child?_

  _“Do you know what your last name is, sweetheart?” She finally asked._

  _“E-Elizabeth.”_

  _“Hm, yes. Very good. Only I meant your last name, sweet girl.” She said patiently._

  _“I don't know.” Eliza frowned, thinking about it. “Do I not have one?” A fresh wave of tears formed in her eyes at the thought._

  _“You do now. It’s Schuyler. You’re Elizabeth Schuyler, and you’ll be a Schuyler for the rest of your life. Even if you find a nice boy to marry, and you take his name-” she chuckled when Eliza made the most disgusted face she could manage, “you’ll still be a Schuyler. Do you understand what that means?” She smiled kindly when Eliza shook her head. “It means that you’re always going to be my daughter, and I’m always going to be your mom.”_

  _“You’re really my mom now?” Eliza asked skeptically, eyebrows furrowed._

  _Mrs. Schuyler nodded, standing up and grabbing thefile. She sat crosslegged in front of Eliza, lifting the six year old on her lap. Once she was settled, she opened the file. “Now, I heard you telling Mr. Schuyler that you are learning how to read and spell things. Is that true?” Eliza nodded enthusiastically, excited about her new skill, making the woman laugh. “Can you spell your name?”_

  _“E L I Z A.” Eliza recited proudly, beaming._

  _“Good job! Could you tell me what that says?” she pointed to a set of words on a certificate of some sort, written in fancy letters. Eliza recognized an E, an L, an I, and a- oh!_

  _“It’s my name!”_

  _“Very good! And that,” she points to another bundle of letters. “What does that say? Can you sound it out?”_

  _“Cat. Cat ther. Cat ther ine. Catherine. Catherine?” Eliza mispronounced the name, but the point settled in her brain. “Oh. It’s your name. And that’s Mr. Schuylers. Philip.”_

  _“You’re such a smart reader, Miss Eliza.” Mrs Schuyler pressed a kiss to her still damp from tears cheek, beaming. “But do you know what this means?” The little girl shook her head. “This is a paper that means you’re officially my daughter, and that I’m your mother. Forever.”_

  _Eliza touched the paper gingerly, amazed that a piece of paper could mean that much._

  _“How about this, we can find a frame for it, and hang it in your room? That way whenever you’re sad, or scared, you always know that I’m your mom. Does that sound okay?” Eliza hugged her tightly instead of answering, and Mrs Schuyler’s answering hug was just as tight._

  _She helped her unpack her few things, and they hung the certificate on the wall next to her bed. A few weeks later, a photo of Eliza and her mother taken on that very day would be hung next to it. It remained there for the twelve years she lived in that room, and followed her through college, Europe, marriage and divorce._

  _Mrs. Schuyler didn’t lie to that little girl. Eliza’s mother never lied to her._

 Eliza gingerly touches the dirty glass, mentally reminding herself to clean it when they arrived at their new home in only three days time- a townhouse in DC. 

“I’m sorry,” both women blurt out at the same time. They both laugh afterwards, setting whatever was in their hands down. 

 “No, honey. You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” Catherine shakes her head, moving across the room to sit on the arm of the couch- the one piece of furniture she was leaving here, the rest of the room bare, hesitantly tucking a lock of Eliza’s hair behind her ear. “Your father and I raised you to be an independent, strong, woman, to be unapologetic for who you are- and that includes who you love. You’ve become exactly that, Eliza. And I was upset, admittedly, because I don’t want you to get hurt again. But I was also unbelievably proud.” Eliza laughs while her mother beams. “You’re already twice the woman I ever was at your age.”

 Eliza stares at her. “Are you kidding me? Mom, you’re like, Angelica on steroids. You’re the most badass woman- no, person, that I know. I’ve never been even close to reaching your level.”

 Catherine smiles, shaking her head. “Want to know a secret? I was- and am, constantly terrified. Especially when you girls were growing up. I loved you all so much from the moment I first laid eyes on you guys. And I was terrified I was going to mess you up. Your father and I had absolutely no fucking clue what we were doing for the majority of the time.” Eliza chuckles at her mother swearing. “And I love our pretty Ang, more then anyone, but. I have a feeling she’s always felt the same way. She’d never show it, but she’s most likely terrified. Terrified of marrying that man of hers, terrified of opening her own practice, terrified of her best friend moving away to start a life without her… but you’d never guess, would you?” Eliza stays quiet, feeling a twinge of guilt. “Now, don’t go overthinking again, sweetheart. You need to go and live your life. Angie will be fine, Peggy will watch over her. I guess I’m just telling you this to say… out of all of us Schuyler women, I think we’re all agreed that you’re the strongest.”

 “What?”

 “Honey, do you not realize what you’ve done? You've gone back to that orphanage, back to the place that you had literal nightmares of going back to, and you’ve saved it. You’ve made it better. You followed your heart even with your father and I begging you not to. You trust yourself, and you trust your heart. That’s a skill most of us take years mastering. I mean, look what you’ve done with your Hamilton.”

 Eliza smiles wryly. “Some would see that as a weakness- I thought even you did, at first. Crawling back to your ex. Isn't that like, anti feminist?”

 “Elizabeth Schuyler, we both know that’s not what you did.” Her mother shakes her head. “You took a risk probably bigger then one I’ve ever done in my entire life- one that takes much more strength then anyone knows, but comes second nature to you. You forgave him. With your lovingly protective idiotic mother screaming at you to do the opposite, you took the leap, and you forgave him. There’s an unbelievable amount of grace and dignity in that decision, sweetheart. You’re an amazing woman, and I can only hope I can become _half_ of what you are in whatever number of years I have left.”

 Eliza swallows roughly and lunges forward to hug her mother tightly. “I love you, mom.”

 “I love you too, my sweet Eliza.” Catherine takes a deep breath, ignoring how her voice had cracked. “Okay. Enough blubbering. Now, let me see that ring.”

\- - - 

 Their wedding was small, Angelica noticed. It was minuscule in comparison to their first one. 

 The only people in attendance were Eliza’s parents and sisters, and Alexander’s college friends (Hercules FaceTimed Laf), Aaron and Theodosia Burr, Martha and George Washington (plus all their security). 

 The bride looked beautiful in her simple white tool dress, the lace belt hugging her waist, the loose material hiding her sweet secret of her growing belly. 

 The ceremony was all very emotional, not one dry eye in their small audience (no matter how hard Peggy insisted that she _did not cry dammit_ ). 

 After a small dinner reception with a few toasts, the once more newly wedded couple were left alone in their new home, and their new bliss. They weren’t heard from for a week straight. When they finally were communicating again, it was all shortphone conversations of no substantial evidence on how the hell things were going. That lasted for a few weeks.

 Angelica was growing incredibly anxious. It wasn’t like Eliza to do this to her. She nearly flew out to DC three times in one week, her own fiancé being the one thing holding her back. Just when she was absolutely convinced she couldn’t take it anymore, a sonogram image was sent in the Schuyler sisters group chat. 

  **Baby Ham coming soon. Due date’s in September! xx EH**

  **Um. What? We’re just hearing about it NOW?! PS**

  **I fucking hate you for keeping this from us! PS**

  **Tell the hubby congrats. Love you both so much. PS**

  **Sorryyy! We wanted to be for sure that I was out of the danger zone before telling anyone. Love you too, Peg. Ang? What do you think? I know you’re reading, my Angie senses are tingling. EH**

  **You two are so weird. PS**

  **I’m so happy for you, Betsey. I love you so much. AS**

 In less than a minute, she received a lone text from her sister. 

  **I think it’s a girl. Wanna know her name? EH**

  **Ooh, fun game. Let me guess. Rachel? That was Ham’s mom’s name, yeah? I bet it’s that or Catherine. AS**

  **Both beautiful names, but nope. EH**

  **She’s named after some other amazing woman who has been my role model since I can remember. One that I love more then anything. EH**

  **But it’s not mom? Martha? AS**

  **She’s going to be called Angelica. EH**

 \- - -

 Angelica Hamilton was born into the wee hours of September 27th. 

 It was easily one of the hardest and best days of Eliza’s life. She cried, which made Alexander cry. She thought that she’d only ever remember the pain, but from the moment her sweet baby was placed in her arms, she knew that _that_ moment was the only thing that mattered. Not the pain, not the tears, not the yelling. 

 Everything herself and her husband went through, she decided, was leading up to this moment. Their relationship somehow morphed them into the beings they had to be before becoming parents to their little miracle. All the heartache they both had to endure was well worth it. It was for Eliza, at least. Everything was worth the look on Alexander’s face when their tiny daughter was placed in his arms the first time. She wouldn't change a thing about her life, or the steps it took to get there. 

 She missed her first baby. She was always going to miss him (she was convinced he would have been a boy) but she still had plenty of love in her heart for their second baby, even with the hole that losing the first one left. 

 She tells Alexander that, one night. The first night they’re home. Little Angelica is laying between them, Eliza exhausted, tucked under an equally exhausted Alexander’s arm. They both have no desire to sleep, however. They just want to sit and watch their tiny piece of love breathe. 

 Alexander hums in reply to her comment, pressing a kiss to Eliza’s temple. “This little girl is never going to want for anything, especially love. Is she?”

 “No. Never.” Eliza turns his head to kiss his lips. “And neither are you.”

 Alex smiles softly, nosing at her cheek. “Go to sleep, mama. She’ll be up to eat soon.”

 Eliza nodded, cuddling into his chest. “Let’s have another when I wake up.” She doesn’t hear his reply, but can feel his shoulders shake from his laughter.

 She’s not worried anymore. 

 Life throws unexpected curveballs at everyone. Her family’s going to be no different. She knows they’ll have problems. That her and Alexander are going to fight, that their perfect baby is going to grow up into a teenager one day and probably go through a period where she can’t stand either of her parents. For some reason, she know’s that whatever happens, she’s going to be alright. 

 She’ll have her husband, her sisters, her parents and her two babies in her heart forever. She’s going to keep them there for as long as she wants, for forever. Because she can. 

**Author's Note:**

> See me on tumblr! elizabethhamilton1780.tumblr.com


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